Out this week: All In Good Time, Dark Shadows, How I spent My Summer Vacation, Jeff Who Lives At Home, Piranha 3DD, The Dictator

All In Good Time

It’s the director of Calender Girls and Made In Dagenham and the writer of East Is East – I reckon you can probably already judge whether All In Good Time is for you. A feel-good, quirky, home-spun romance about a Bolton-based Indian couple trying desperately to consummate their recent marriage under the watchful eye of the groom’s father; it promises gentle larks, lots of people shouting and maybe a cheeky dance sequence if we’re lucky.

Dark Shadows

Oh Tim, what happened to you? Only the hard-core Burton fans will probably make the journey to see his latest Depp/Bonham-Carter/stripey things/cheekbones/bit in a castle effort – with the general consensus being that his adaptation of the 70s vampire-soap is more than a little on the anaemic side. STILL, at least it can’t be as bad as Alice In Wonderland, right? RIGHT?

How I Spent My Summer Vacation

Mel Gibson’s taking a small break from the increasingly mental plot that is his actual existence in order to film some fictional ones, which is kind of him. In How I Spent My Summer Vacation he stars as a no-good crook who apparently just goes mental in Mexico for a couple of hours in a Tarantino-meets-John-Wayne action caper. It actually seems pretty good, it’s just a shame he hates the Jews so damn much.

Jeff Who Lives At Home

Jason Segel, Ed Helms and Susan Sarandon star in what looks to be a fairly inoffensive indie comedy about two brothers who are dissatisfied with their lot in life. Considering how good Jason Segel is in basically everything he touches, and how splendid Ed Helms is in everything that isn’t Hall Pass or The Hangover 2, we reckon it’s worth a punt. And hey, Susan Sarandon! Where’ve you been, babe?

Piranha 3DD

Just when you thought the floatation devices couldn’t get any bigger. Piranha 3DD capitalises on the surprising success of the gloriously tongue-in-cheek breastly slasher Piranha, and throws a little Hasselhoff in for good measure. DAMMIT, it’s almost as if replacing an entire water parks’ supply of life-guards with strippers was a BAD idea or something…

The Dictator

The creator of Ali G, Bruno and Borat is back, and this time he’s bringing an actual narrative with him. Sacha Baron Cohen mocks horrifying war lords across the world as President Admiral General Aladeen, who finds himself lost in New York after an official presidential visit goes awry. It’s basically your standard fish outta water scenario, only with a lot more offensive material about Megan Fox and jokes about phallic nuclear missiles. Cool? Cool.