In many ways, film posters exist outside the tightly wrought bonds of grammar and punctuation. As stepping stones to another higher, inherently visual medium they do not have to conform to the petty linguistic scrabblings that the rest of us mere mortals cut our gums over. They can damn well do whatever they please; whatever it takes to get across their meaning. Except, of course, they obviously can’t. Obviously.

BOGOF cinema ticket offer lovers, this is your moment! It’s Wednesday, as tends to be the case at this point in the week, but the Best For Film ranks have been swelled almost to bursting point by a merrily capering band of brand new shiny writers. You might hate them all, of course, but it doesn’t seem likely and anyway, Papa ‘Man of the People’ Neish is back. Huzzah!

Children are frightening. It’s probably their tiny hands. Whilst horror movies seem to utilise the ‘scary child trope’ a little too frequently these days, it’s worth remembering the good times of horrible, horrible children that wanted you dead (or at least maimed in some way). This top ten list encompasses the best of the nasty tykes that remind us all why birth control is so important.

Name: Matthew Vaughn Date of birth: 7th March, 1971 Place of birth: British but born in Beverley Hills, California Special moves: Directing, producing, writing Films Include: Layer Cake, Stardust, Kick-Ass,..

What an incredible age we live in! Chemical-filled snacks are readily available on delivery at obscene hours of the morning, social networking has become a national sport and now we can even watch movies in three glorious dimensions. But with the great power of 3D comes great responsibility – so has anyone yet managed to rise up and use it to good effect? Or is it just about making an extra couple of quid per person at the cinema? So far it’s pretty much been the latter – but for every shocker there’s been one to come along and blow the rest out of the 3D piranha-infested waters…

Described by pretty much everyone as riveting and one of the most original films of the year, The Arbor is the powerful true story of slum playwright Andrea Dunbar. It’s in cinemas from October 22 – but we have 3 DVDs to give away now! Competition ends 9 April 2011.

We’re not going to lie, it’s a bit odd this week. But that won’t stop you, creeping inexorably towards the blog like one of those menacing disembodied hands which turns up in four out of every five zombie movies. Creepy… creepy… creepy OH GOD IT’S A NEXT GENERATION SPEEDY ZOMBIE NOT A ROMERO ZOMBIE IT’S RUNNING IT’S EATING MY MOTHER NOOOOOOO

Hobbits, eh? You either love ’em or you want to set fire to the filthy matted hair on top of their knobbly feet – and if you don’t subscribe to either of those positions then ssh, because they’re sort of the cornerstone of this whole blog. Master debaters Tash and John are going head to head in a bit to decide whether or not the Shire should be burnt to the ground.

You’ve probably spent all week talking about Charlie Sheen, the most high-profile man to have a spectacular mental collapse since Mel Gibson got all boring and racist. With that in mind, we thought we’d ride the zeitgeist by channelling some of his most poignant wisdom and making it into crude reasons why you should get pissed. Bish bash bosh.

After the recent success of True Grit it’s time we forget about aliens, doomsday stories and talking animals for a while and remember the art of film for real men – The Western. Let us recall the good old days- when 14 year old girls didn’t just hang out and have wet dreams about Justin Bieber, but went off with strangers to kill the murderer of their Dads and some Outlaws on the way. If you’re a fledgling Western buff, fear not – we’ve got the films you need to feel part of the action. Heck, you can almost smell the horse poop and cowboy sweat right on your couch…