Important historical events have been grist to Hollywood’s mill for literally thousands of years. But the same old boring battles and speeches by kings are used as plot-fodder time and again. Here are some suggestions for amazing films based on less heralded moments in history.

Oranges and Lemons, say the bells of Saint Clement’s! Christ only knows who Saint Clement was (he would, definitely), but when it comes to finding out which of this week’s releases are bathed in luxurious and giving orange nectar and which are dripping with malign lemony piss, we’ve got it down pat.

Everyone loves a villain – more fun to play, watch and steal quotes from than any floppy-haired namby-pamby good guy, and usually prettier to boot. It’s such a shame they always seem to end up getting shot/stabbed/thrown off buildings/drowned/burnt by hot doorknobs (damn you, Kevin McCallister), so we thought we’d round up some of our favourites for a Who’s Who of all the bad guys that really should have won.

As nutritious as a newly felled apple (can apples get felled?) and twice as shiny, we present this week’s Cheat Sheet: all you need to know about indie-turned-Hollywood director Darren Aronofsky. Creator of Black Swan, The Wrestler, Requiem For A Dream and more; prepare to know a whole lot about the king of existentialism.

‘Nevermore’, cried Poe’s raven. Something of a film critic, he was talking of the glut of vampire films in 2010. Will our grumpy naysayer feel the same way the same of upcoming superhero films this year? You decide. We cherry-pick 10 superhero films to see in 2011…

We spoil you, really we do. First you have a lovely weekend filled with scrumping and lashings of ginger beer (this continues to assume that our core readership is the Famous Five) and then you get a lovely Monday Mash-Up to help get you through that first grinding day of another miserable week, which is in itself nothing but one more plodding step towards the silently waiting grave. Enjoy!

The Star Wars franchise is an interesting one. It usually always finds itself divided into its Original and Prequel series, such is the divergence of opinion as to their relative worth. But which is better? Are Episodes I, II and III a far more slick and thoughtful offering, or are Episodes IV, V and VI unsurpassed in their grandeur? Let the Friday Face/Off commence.

The Terrible Thing of Alpha 9, directed by Jake Armstrong, is a madly cool animated short film that will make you gulp back your man tears in a testosteroneous way. Are you ready for our monstrously cute short film of the week?

What do you mean, you’d never heard of the Black Movie Festival? Alright, neither had we. But our intrepid field reporter Hannah has, and she’s got the low-down on possibly the best place in Switzerland to get your daily dose of Yakuza action.

Contents of a classic Glaswegian Film Festival: Contains Music, a smattering of Youth Films, several heaped tablespoons of Short Films, a dash of Frightfest, and an independent magazine. Serves two annual awards. Now that’s a huge great big belly-full of Film delights.