If you hadn’t figured out from the hoards of screaming teenagers trolling around Greenwich this week, the cast of Glee have been in town, strutting their stuff all over the O2, charging everyone and their dog (and me, yes, me) sixty-fecking-quid to go and see some half-decent karaoke. If you, like I, were cajoled into paying over the odds for such an event, then you probably need a stiff drink, and a timely reminder of how great musicals can be. Ladies and Gentlemen: The Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory Drinking Game!

To Begin:

Put a pint glass into the middle of the table. Whenever Slugworth appears on screen, everyone must pour a finger of their drink into the glass. What’s that you say? Why? Patient my child, all will become clear.

Everyone drink a shot to toast the fact that you are not watching Tim Burton’s bastardised remake. Instead, you will be watching Gene Wilder act his balls off. Any sickly sweet spirit will do… I recommend Toffoc, toffee flavoured vodka straight from the Big Rock Candy Mountains of Anglesey.

Whangdoodles – Take One Sip:

Whenever the Oompa Loompas say “Oompa Loompa”. Incidentally, this rule in itself would be a much better drinking game than Roxanne. Just sayin’.
Whenever any of the prize winners ask “what’s going on?!” This happens a fair bit whilst inside the factory, as Wonka is a cunning scoundrel.
Whenever a child takes an unfortunate turn. Toast to their demise! Muahaha!
However, when Charlie and Grandpa Joe oh-so-nearly get churned up by the fans, take a sip every time one of them burps to let them come down. Phew, close one.
Whenever you see an everlasting gobstopper. If more than one gobstopper can be seen at one time, multiply your sips accordingly.

Hornswogglers – Take Two Sips:

When Wonka does that forward roll before the crowd. Take two sips to celebrate.

When the kids are going mental in the chocolate garden. Join them in their childish glee! Take two sips whenever you see someone licking, crunching, chewing, eating, scoffing, gobbling, chowing, munching…this could get messy.
When Wonka is going mental on the boat, the challenge is for everyone to chant along with him! You know how it goes! “There’s no earthly way of knoooowing, which direction we are gooooooing”. If you complete the rhyme all the way through, you are a badass, and will not be punished. However, if you fail, even in the modest task that was your charge, you will down two fingers of your drink.

Vermicious Knids – Down The Lot!:

Whenever you see the face of the man Paraguayan millionaire who forged the last golden ticket, the last one to shout “THAT’S MARTIN BORMANN!” has to down their drink…figures, only a Nazi would commit such a despicable crime.

At the film’s glorious climax, when Slugworth is revealed not to be Wonka’s evil chocolating rival, but instead a friendly associate, everyone must put a straw into the by now very murky pint, and drink until Wonka, Charlie and Grandpa Joe blast forth through the glass ceiling of the factory and into the sky! Hallelujah!

Wonka Cocktails

The Oompa Loompa – 1 part Lemon Juice, 2 parts apple juice and apple schnapps, 4 parts toffee vodka. Trust me, it tastes like a delicious toffee apple, which is what I imagine an Oompa Loompa would taste like too.
Fizzy Lifting Drink – Equal parts Blue Curacao and elderflower cordial, the same amount of pineapple juice, topped with Champers and a squeeze of lemon. Zingy, fizzy, bubbly and blue! Just watch out for the fans…
The Golden Ticket – 3 Parts Whiskey, 2 Parts Triple Sec, 2 Parts Crème de Bananes : Be warned, this is not for the faint hearted, and tastes a little bit like a gone-off banana…but it’s deliciously golden.