Goodness, what could be better at this slushy, cold time of year than transporting yourself to a desert island? (We can actually think of one thing better: a DESSERT island). Unfortunately, most of us can’t afford such frivolities so instead we’ll just watch films set on desert islands. And this week, BFF brings you a drinking game that you can enjoy whether you’re watching The Blue Lagoon, Pirates of the Caribbean or Cast Away. Enjoy, me hearties.

Take one sip whenever…

Everybody drinks loads of rum including YOU.

Wild animals appear on the scene. This could be a scorpion or a bear or a unicorn or whatever it is that lives on desert islands. Toucans? If it’s a toucan, drink two cans.

They make a fire usually by using a magnifying glass or rubbing some stones together or some shit. And the characters are always so frigging happy. It’s like, get over yourselves guys. This whole thing could have been a lot easier if you’d just brought a lighter.

Take two sips whenever…

They see a ship on the horizon and desperately try to wave/shout at it which is stupid because the ship is so far away. And besides, if you saw someone waving at you from a beach you’d probably just think “look at that guy there, living it up while I’m stuck on this ship. What a jerk”.

They make a sign to be read by planes. ALSO STUPID. People never look out the windows of planes. Fact.

The characters befriend an inanimate object either that or they begin to worship a pig head. At this point in the game, you’ll probably be striking up conversation with the nearest piece of furniture, so this one’s actually pretty fitting.

Take three sips whenever…

They have to eat gross food whether its grubs or human flesh or rocks. It’s normally pretty hilarious.

The characters procreate because this is a thing that actually happens in The Blue Lagoon, if you haven’t seen it. They actually have a baby! That must have been such an awkward birth. Sand getting into all kinds of places.

Everyone turns against one another “NO!! What? How could this happen! It all started so well! Your burgeoning civilisation was really coming into its own. And that bamboo house?! Heavenly! Anyhow, when did everyone find the time to chisel those spears and make poison darts? Oh my goodness, is that a toucan?”

DOWN YOUR FLAGON OF SEAWATER WHENEVER

PIRATES appear and pirate the shit out of everything.

Are you adequately drunk now? Good. If not, then you can repeat this whole process over again. And, once you’re properly sozzled, don your loincloth, or the ruins of your favourite pair of Levi’s, and hit the town. TOP TIP: Rub yourself down with sand/starve yourself for six months for that just-shipwrecked look.