*DISASTER! Best For Film Towers has suffered a fatal power failure, activating automated systems which have teleported the team to their designated emergency locations. This week’s OWLy chat is being conducted via telepathy…*

Tash (in Ryan Reynolds’ pants, typing very quietly):
Whether you love him, hate him, or just wish he’d stop complaining and pay a bit more for his flights, there’s no getting away from that darned Kevin Smith. And to be honest, when the film he’s yarking about is about the dangers of mental fundamentalist sects, why would you want to? This week it’s all about Red State for me – it’s got guns, it’s got gore, it’s got Jesus and it’s got John Goodman – that’s Wednesday wrapped up right there. In other news, you know what’s not much fun? The apocalypse. For that reason, I suggest you give Melancholia a miss. It’s basically two hours of horses lying down anyway.
Orange Choice: Red State
Ultimate Lemon: Melancholia

Sarah (is, or will shortly be, ON A BOAT):
It seems a little churlish to squeeze orange juice all over those who are already red of head, but I am completely underwhelmed by The Debt. Jessica Chastian has an unfortunately-timed 10 gazillion movies coming out in the next few weeks and I’d rather see a double-whammy of her and carrot-topped legend Emma Stone duelling in the deep South in The Help over some Mossad melodrama with Sam ‘I’m leaving acting ya bunch of f’ing Hollywood bludgers’ Worthington. Helen Mirren, you’ve played two Queens for gawd’s sake – you’re better than this!

I will juice my October-burning sunshiney lemons at Keerstin Dunst’s Melancholia. Why noone had thought to blend family wedding melodrama, impending planet collision and Alexander Skaargard, all directed by a Danish maniac is beyond me. Just don’t mention the Nazis.
Orange Choice: Melancholia
Ultimate Lemon: The Debt

*John’s totally not having this…*

John (reporting from the BFI bar):
SLD’s snide ‘ooh, I’m not Jessica Chastain’ bitching aside, this week it’s all about The Debt. Helen Mirren, Ciarán Hinds, Tom Wilkinson and Jessica Chastain (I LOVE JESSICA CHASTAIN, MARRY ME JESSICA CHASTAIN), getting their Krav Maga on and boffing round Tel Aviv/East Berlin/Prague? That’ll do me nicely. On the other side, someone who will be unable to do me nicely, however many times she asks, is Anna Faris. Are we really supposed to believe your number is 19, Anna? Marilyn famously said that getting into Hollywood was very hard on the knees, and she actually had a modicum of talent. You must be worn down almost to the patellas…
Orange Choice: The Debt
Ultimate Lemon: What’s Your Number?

Papa Neish (broadcasting from the frozen North):
If you’re not feeling at least a little melancholic at this time of the year then I suggest you give the cinema a miss and take your unseasonal jollies elsewhere. This week, you see, is all about Lars von Trier; because let’s face it, every week is about Lars von Trier, and that’s just the way he likes it. Melancholia is a proper movie, a movie with Kirsten Dunst and startling special effects, but that also boasts such apparently optional extras as characters and good old-fashioned subtext. And you said self-confessed Nazis couldn’t direct! Abduction, by comparison, is bad new-fashioned rubbish, featuring at its core an assortment of Hollywood’s finest just trying their hardest to carry the movie without getting Taylor Lautner’s acting abilities all over their new shoes.
Orange Choice: Melancholia
Ultimate Lemon: Abduction

John:
Oh God, I can’t believe I forgot Abduction. Good call, Papa Neish. What utter, unremitting, bleeding suppurating gash.

*Well, that told you. Onwards, upwards and see you next week!*