Orange(Wednesday)s and Lemons #6

*The Best For Film team is fully recovered from last week’s shenanigans, although Natasha is a little bit sleepy. She decides to go first so she can have a doze afterwards…*

Natasha (had pâté for lunch, AGAIN):
The Fighter! Men being all fighty and naming films The Fighter because it’s easier to call a film about a fighter The Fighter than calling it something that alludes to the storyline without smashing you in the face with it. THE FIGHTER SMASHES YOU IN THE FACE WITH IT AND I LOVE IT. I’ve saving all my hatred energy up for Gnomeo and Juliet in the coming weeks, so, like Yoshimitzu, for now I will just stoically re-charge and glare silently into the face of obvious kak-pot opponent A Little Bit of Heaven.

ULTIMATE LEMON: A Little Bit Of Heaven


Georgina (has recently rediscovered a dormant love for Sylvanian Families):
I’m feeling curmudgeonly this week, and would prefer watching people die in a cave to cutesy dialogue and overly animated cartoons. So with that in mind, Sanctum looks like a goer because it’s grey and cold in Londontown, and I can bask in the aqua glow of sun-kissed divers and their poor decisions. Something I won’t be giving my hard cold cash to see is Tangled. Plucky heroine, CGI banter blah blah blah. Also, the hair has a life of its own, which is creepy and weird. Give me back the misogyny and covert sexual references of the 1950s Disney!



David (building himself a cosy holt):
I’m the kinda guy who isn’t afraid to have a good weep in public, and will happily applaud a young independent animated woman standing up for herself. You go girl. Tell da’ man. R E S P E C T and all that. That’s why I’m all about Tangled this week. When the weather outside is a touch murky, the beauty of spring yet to burst forth from Mother Earth, what better way of killing the February blues than with a sunny dose of 3D Disney. It’s got a funny horse and everything. Take that Pixar. Meanwhile, I’ll be avoiding How Do You Know like Tim Burton avoids different actors. What with Owen Wilson’s nose and Reese Witherspoon’s nose, there’s just too much pointy face material going on. How do we know? We just do. Just like Jack Nicholson knew he wanted the role when he saw the paycheque.



*Georgina is not impressed. That’s all.*

Becky (still a bit under the weather):
I am off to see The Fighter – pumped up, testosterone filled men boxing, battling demons and getting Oscar nominations? Sounds perfect. Plus Christian Bale is always easy on the eye (Otter agrees) and it is supposed to be the new Rocky (a film I have to admit to loving even though it will get me banished to a corner of the BFF office). However, avoid all rom-coms. It is too close to Valentine’s Day – therefore, good rom-coms have been replaced by disgusting ones full of smush. Pure vomit inducing filth.

ULTIMATE LEMON: All rom-coms


Stephen (apparently wants to break Justin Bieber’s shins):
I recommend pirouetting off to see my new Oscar front-runner Black Swan. I’m going again, mainly because of this simple formula: Winona Ryder + letter opener = creepiest moment of the year so far. Also, it’s by far Darren Aronofsky’s best film since Requiem for a Dream. Also, it’s by far Natalie Portman’s sexiest performance since Leon Closer. I too would skip any and all rom-coms because they’ll be full of disgusting, happy couples, but particularly swerve-worthy is the Kate Hudson-starring A Little Bit of Heaven because it stars Kate Hudson.

ULTIMATE LEMON: A Little Bit Of Heaven


*John has a little giggle at the mental image of the Bear in a tutu, then composes himself for some sweet opinion-delivery*

John (mourning the death of Brian ‘Redwall’ Jacques):
This week I’m all about Brighton Rock – when it’s cold outside and the spark of life is fading within me, nothing perks me up like a load of Mods having a knife fight on the beach. Also, have you seen Sam Riley? If he doesn’t warm up your February, nothing will – unless, that is, you decide to burn your local gigaplex for committing the cardinal sin of screening A Little Bit of Heaven. There are several worthwhile films which explore the day-to-day reality of living with a terminal illness, but Kate Hudson squawking about having “ass cancer” (no, really) doesn’t qualify. Reprehensible, offensive garbage.

ORANGE CHOICE: Brighton Rock
ULTIMATE LEMON: A Little Bit of Heaven


Magda (easily excited by mentions of aliens and/or ninjas):
Otter: “Take that, Pixar”? That’s what she said. And by she I mean Disney. Because Disney, you know, bought Pixar. Um… I’m not very good at innuendo. Sexual or otherwise. Anyhoo, I will go and see Tangled because it can’t be overly gushing and girly if it was renamed to appeal to boys, and I will avoid The Fighter (for the moment) because although it will be marvellous, I was slightly put off by a friend’s concise Facebook review: “The Fighter is a very, very good film of the type we’ve already seen time and time again”. And when it comes to say-what-you-see film titles, I’m still recovering from the joy of finally seeing The Wrestler. Aronofsky is the man.



*And so, the Best For Film team once more fades into the night. The night of the afternoon. The light, fundamentally un-night-like afternoon of the office. They fade into that. And by fade I essentially mean walk back to their desks. Spooky, eh?*

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