*The twin menaces of illness and paid work have hammered the Best For Film team, and in their desperation they turned to a man they did not truly understand. Ten points if you guess the film, but minus fifteen points if your guess is a film which isn’t currently available as part of some sort of esoteric Orange ritual. We can settle up your debt later. For now, OW&L newcomer Cal is making it rain! Rain opinions…*

Cal (has an incredibly dull personal life):
Just writing the words ‘Gnomeo and Juliet‘ is difficult for me. Every time I try it, my fingers rebel, and my hands reach up towards my throat in an attempt to throttle the horrific pun out of my brain. But it’s not just the pun, everything about Gn… this film makes me sad. Paul looks quite good though, and even without the steadying hand of Edgar Wright on the rudder, I’m interested to know where this ship’s heading. While it looks more like it’s from the Run Fatboy Run school than Shaun Of The Dead, I won’t give up hope just yet.

ORANGE CHOICE: Paul
ULTIMATE LEMON: The one with the Gnomes that sticks a ceramic finger up at 500 years of literary history.

Georgina (literally turning into a plush woodland creature):
I feel like the collective world of films has decided to make my imminent departure from the magnificent BFF a little more bearable by not putting out anything I want to see this week. True Grit is fine for fans of long silences and beards, but Just Go With It is really crossing the line. Trying to entice me into buying a ticket with its use of the imperative… I will not Just Go With It! If someone was to put a gun to my head, which happens more than you think in Sylvania, I’d have to grudgingly go with Never Let Me Go. Even though Andrew Garfield’s face is entirely too small for his barnet.

ORANGE CHOICE: Never Let Me Go
ULTIMATE LEMON: Just Go With It

Tash (has gone all French again):
This week I’m leaping on a plucky, exceedingly metaphorical horse and riding its shining, non-existent limbs all the way to True Gritville. Your ears get an excellent work-out trying to figure out what in the name of beards Jeff Bridges is talking about, and Matt Damon is lovely and noble and just the right amount of dusty. Never Let Me Go is nice as well – though both films are a bit sleepy, so if you’re wanting to defibrillate yourself through the medium of film (not yet medically recommended) you should probably go and see Paul instead. Except don’t do that. It looks dreadful.

ORANGE CHOICE: True Grit
ULTIMATE LEMON: Paul

Magda (bit of a dirty stop-out):
I will, of course, be going to see the super orangey-orange True Grit. There seem to be really excellent underage actresses all over the shop at the moment, acting their little socks off (just socks. No paedo jokes for me). Will this be the Coen Brothers’ version of ‘Three Men and a Little Lady’? Regardless, I’m hoping Hailee Steinfeld will be as marvellous as Natalie Portman was in Leon. My bitter lemon – for eternity, you understand, not just for this week – will be Yogi Bear. If this film was a picnic I would like Boo-Boo to lose it and Yogi to eat it.

ORANGE CHOICE: True Grit
ULTIMATE LEMON: Yogi Bear

*Two in a row? Oh dear. It looks like Papa Neish may not stand for this…*

Papa Neish (spends too much time thinking about hurting Hailee Steinfield):
I watched True Grit this week and the only way in which I could justify the total waste of two hours of my life was to relegate it to lemony badness and suggest you take your Orange code elsewhere, Never Let Me Go for example. Whereas True Grit has almost nothing of interest to say, that which it does mumble being quickly lost on an incomprehensible Jeff Bridges, Never Let Me Go has so much wisdom to impart that it needs its very own voice over. Carey Mulligan talks, you listen – what more could you want for half the price of admission? I don’t even mind if you continue to call it “that one with Keira Knightly, just watch it.

ORANGE CHOICE: Never Let Me Go
ULTIMATE LEMON: True Grit

David (very, very lonely):
This week is the first in a long while which hasn’t seen the arrival of any big award contenders; but for those who still wish to make use of the Holy Wednesday of Cinema, I’m backing Never Let Me Go as my pick of the week. Carey Mulligan, Keira Knightley and Andrew Garfield in a love triangle? Is that a hypotenuse in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me? Having seen it, I feel duty bound to tell you to avoid Paul. It’s Simon Pegg’s very own Phantom Menace; on its own, a fairly good effort, but seen in the light of what went before it, a massive let down. Please learn, Pegg. Please.

ORANGE CHOICE: Never Let Me Go
ULTIMATE LEMON: Paul

John (just tried to eat some watercress without taking his gum out):
I desperately want Ironclad to be good, but I just don’t think it’s in the cards – Paul Giamatti as King John aside, it’s basically a defend-the-castle Flash game with better graphics. That’s why I’m defying Papa Neish’s grim pronouncements and plumping for True Grit; I’m a sucker for a man in an eyepatch, especially if I can’t really understand what he’s saying. On the flipside, I expected Gnomeo and Juliet to be reasonable but had my hopes cruelly dashed – if you’ve got any sense, you’ll spend the inflated 3D ticket price on a sockful of wet sand and belabour Elton John with it.

ORANGE CHOICE: True Grit
ULTIMATE LEMON: Gnomeo and Juliet

*There doesn’t seem to be much to say to that. We suggest you immediately go here – you know what you have to do. Off you trot!*