Hey, girl/boy/neuter. You’re looking pretty good today, you know that? Your hair matches your shoes, your trousers go with your teeth, all that good stuff. But do you know what would make you look even better? We’ll tell you – the tousled eyelashes, sweating larynx and throbbing, swollen, frankly impractical genitals that only a night spent with the beautiful maniacs of Kill the Beast Theatre can provide.

Where can you find these demonic pleasure-mongers, you ask? Why, you can find them RIGHT HERE IN LONDON at their spectacular new play THE BOY WHO KICKED PIGS!

After a spectacular debut last summer at Salford’s Lowry Theatre (WhatsOnStage gave it five stars on its first ruddy bloody night, because that’s how KTB roll), The Boy Who Kicked Pigs is transferring to London for a strictly limited run at Jackson’s Lane Theatre. Adapted from Time Lord Tom Baker’s spectacularly twisted novella, The Boy Who Kicked Pigs sees four talented and arguably disturbed cast members take on a plethora of roles to tell the tale of Robert Caligari, a thirteen-year-old boy with a nasty habit of kicking pigs. Wait, you’re vegan and you don’t like the idea of pigs being kicked? Well, if it’s any consolation we’re pretty sure things won’t end well for him.

Written by director Clem Garrity and inky-fingered cast David Cumming, Zoe Roberts, Oliver Jones and Natasha Hodgson, The Boy Who Kicked Pigs is…

…wait

…wait

…natasha …hodgson?

YES THAT NATASHA HODGSON, MOTHERSNIFFERS! The creative genius behind THIS ACTUAL WEBSITE is in THIS ACTUAL PLAY, rendering this story BIASED and probably UNTRUSTWORTHY. Except that it isn’t, because we only plug good stuff even when we know the people in it. Remember that soul album that Duncan released? Exactly.

The Boy Who Kicked Pigs, which is being presented by Kill The Beast and Sarah Brown Productions, blasts off this Monday (5th March) and runs until next Saturday night, with matinées and everything. You can buy tickets here, watch the trailer here, read that five star review here and, if you’re a bit overexcited, see a photo of Tash with a swan on her jumper here. Don’t say we never cater for the perverts.

UPDATE: Apparently if you’re a Guardian Extra member, apparently you can get cheap tickets here to make up for the fact that you’re nobly pouring money into a dying medium in exchange for something you can read online anyway. Good for you.

Will you be Kicking Pigs with Kill the Beast? Let us know below!