Madonna’s ‘directorial debut’ (which is actually nothing of the sort, it’s just that her last film was so shit she’s pretending it doesn’t exist) is such a flagrant exercise in cinematic wish-fulfilment that it’s almost not worth pointing out. Contemporary American material girl in an unhappy marriage looks to the most glamorous woman in the world and her controversial transformation into the star of the English gentry? W.E. is unforgivable.

Hi! I’m not Troy McClure. You might remember me from other such features as “Top 10 Aimless 80’s Nostalgia Trips” and “Waffling On About Something Irrelevant That Causes Me Disproportionate Anger”. Now, let’s stroll together down a list of the great Mr. McClure’s oft-name dropped movies, and see which ones should be jammed into production like a fish in a sock.