Next up: Maggie Smith to play an ugly sister.

So you’re drunk. You had one too many at Pizza Express or wherever, and now you’re in the cinema, and you are drunk. And you have FEELINGS. About this film. That you are watching. You may or may not swear at the screen, but whatever you say (you don’t remember in the morning) it is loud. You are swiftly removed from the cinema, and never permitted to return. Dark times. Enter Movie Interruption Screenings.

Oh guess what, it’s time for another Katherine Heigl film to come out. Why? Because you touch yourself. It’s One For The Money day, and the only rational response is to drink until you don’t have a mouth anymore. Have we seen the film yet? That’s hardly the point.

Wow, it’s like The Ugly Truth never happened.

White shutters. Dry-cleaned clothes. Fresh flowers. A massive apartment in downtown New York. Nothing wrong with any of these things, except when the girl in the film is meant to be a dogwalker. These be the disgusting tales that chick flicks weave with their nail polished fingers, and we are all victims of their beautiful lies.

She’s that character, he’s that other character, they end up in that situation and in the end, the thing happens. Congratulations, you’ve just watched Life As We Know It. Can we go and do some suicide now?

Crimety, even the all-powerful Disney are now fully on the re-make bandwagon, it seems. After the ridiculous (and in our opinion, completely undeserved) success of Alice In Wonderland, the Mouse House have upped their re-make capacity, promising to deliver Malificent (the untold story of Sleeping Beauty) and now a live-action version of Cinderella. Is a remake we need? Of course not. But when has that ever stopped Hollywood before?