Yesterday the UK officially banned the ad for Dakota Fanning’s new fragrance, on the grounds that anyone who sees it will instantly have sex with a child. Smells like Nonce-sense to us. To celebrate this entirely rational decision, let’s spray on some Mysterious Girl and breathe deep the scent of Baffling Cash-Ins. Or, as we like to call them, Celebrities 4D (WITH AROMASCOPE)

Justin Timberlake started out on a TV talent show like all the rest of them, but has gone on to make boy bands what they are today, become one of the most commercially successful singers in the world and star in some Hollywood movies, like Friends With Benefits which is out September 9. Oh, and he runs a record label, owns his own fashion brand, a couple of restaurants and his own brand of tequila.

Whilst in biblical times people lived for AGES (I think Noah was nine hundred and fifty when he died), life seems to have shortened somewhat. But whether it’s because the weight of sin has crushed our life span or we are just more clumsy, it makes it more amazing when someone lives a bit longer then average, currently 79.9 years in the U.K. So, let’s take our hats off to Gloria Stuart.

Once you find what it is you’re good at then just go with that, right? There’s no need to try your hand at anything else. Take the warblers and crooners for example; mainly the ones that sing about love, relationships and all that romantic crap. They should just stick to their day jobs. There’s absolutely no need for them to attempt a career in acting because quite frankly, it’s embarrassing for everyone.