In a week simply splattered with bank holidays, today’s Wednesday is cunningly dressed as a dapper wee Thursday, complete with seductive near-weekend properties and an air of spontaneous, carefree mischief. BUT WE ARE NOT FOOLED. Wednesday is what you are sir, and as such you will let us in the cinema for cheap, YOU HEAR?

Oh my shit, it’s April! And it’s brought along not only Fools’ Days, sweet spring showers and the prospect of some chinless wonder marrying a Sloane, but also a batch of fresh and steaming new films – some promising, others less so. Stick around as we sift through this month’s cinematic offerings week by week and separate the fresh fish (FRESH FISH, Glen Coco!) from the distinctly murky tuna salad…

Described by debut filmmakers Brek Taylor and Elizabeth Mitchell as a ‘fairytale thriller’, Island sees a young woman journey to a distant Scottish island to seek vengeance for a lifetime of neglect. What results is a brilliant and ambiguous drama played out against the stunning backdrop of remote and rural Scotland.

Everyone’s favourite goggle-eyed action hero, Nicolas Cage, has been forced to sell off six of his luxury homes in Europe and the US.