Orange (Wednesday)s and Lemons #17

*BFF enterprises have been thrown entirely out of joint by this apart ‘holiday’ – John is bathing in what appears to be reels upon reels of Kate Middleton’s year 5 nativity footage, Tash and Magda are locked in a fierce but surprisingly sunlight game of MIND BADMINTON and as for Cal, well, let’s just say his obsession with Slovenian micro-funny is getting out of control. Still, off to work we go…*

Tash (has to go and watch Beastly tonight, and will kill anyone who doesn’t):

Following on from my little flirtation with Luc Besson yesterday, I think this week I’ll be plumping for The Extraordinary Adventures of Adele Blanc Sec: it’s funny, fast-paced, utterly ridiculous and just so deeply, unutterably French. Big moustaches, lovely hats and unexpected pterodactyls all round – marvellous. Except actually, technically my stupid Orange has to be Beastly, seeing as I HAVE TO WATCH IT TONIGHT EVEN THOUGH IT HAS A MAGIC OLSEN TWIN IN IT ARGHHH. A magic Olsen twin. This is so unfair. So even though technically it’s my orange, in my heart it’s my lemon. How does that even make sense? Because Ashley Olson is magic, that’s how.

Orange Choice: The Extraordinary Adventures Of Adele Blanc-Sec
Ultimate Lemon: Beastly


Magda (just angrily called the world of humans “tiny hand-to-mouth gerbils”):

I am practically palpitating for Fast Five Vin Diesel and Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson will be arm wrestling their way through a wild juicy revving car crash of a movie and at least a squintillion beautiful cars will be destroyed. I’m a tiny bit against Thor. Sorry, folks. The thing is, the trailer has that Tron Legacy sheen to it, like being trapped in a gold iPhone. I don’t want to be trapped in a gold iPhone, cheers.

Orange Choice: Fast Five
Ultimate Lemon: Thor


Cal (inexplicably makes things like this)

This week I’m particularly excited about Thor. Don’t worry readers, I won’t be attempting any lazy attempts of humour, where I slip a Thor pun in (“I thort it was really good”, “it’s the thort of movie I like”) because that would be stupid. But instead, I’m going to comment in a mature and sensible way on how exciting it looks. Doesn’t it look exciting? I think so. Also, it being a film with Kenneth Branagh in the director’s seat, I’m holding out for an hour long soliloquy. I hope I’m not thorely disappointed.

Orange Choice: Thor
Ultimate Lemon: Arthur


Jim (Rock out with your chips out):

Island. This impressive debut from Brek Taylor & Elizabeth Mitchell tells the story of Nikki Black, a young woman who travels to a remote Scottish island to confront her negligent birth mother. It’s a dark fable which explores themes the themes revenge, redemption and the yearning of post-adolescence. If all this doesn’t sound like your kind of bag – go anyway and stare in dumb wonder at the incredible natural beauty of the British Isles for 90 minutes. Meanwhile Easter is over but it seems Hop is still circling the plug hole – avoid it like you would so much matted pubic hair. If you really must see a live action animation involving a cartoon rabbit why not stay in and rent the classic Who Framed Roger Rabbit??

Orange Choice: Island
Ultimate Lemon: Hop


John (coming at you live from inside a hammock)

This Odin’s Day your task is simple: grasp your mighty hammer and cross the Bilfrost to see the spectacular superhero epic Thor, positively the best alien Viking film of the month. Marvel even moved the release date to a Wednesday to accommodate enthusiastic OWLers! Unfortunately, for every Valhalla there must be a cold and gloomy Niflheim – this week it’s Alex Pettyfer’s latest effort Beastly in which he goes all punky and bald cos he sassed the magic Olsen. Thor would have messed her up. Just saying.

Orange Choice: Thor
Ultimate Lemon: Beastly


*So, with Cal’s never-to-be-completed feature ‘The Greatest Hats In Film’ hanging desperately in the air, our frustrated explorers settle back down into the dust of this confusing psuedo-day. That is before Jim casually mentions the fact that he’s not seeing Beastly tonight, and Tash murders him with a saw.*

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