In 1986, one of the reactors at the Soviet nuclear power station near Chernobyl failed, resulting in the worst nuclear disaster of all time. In 2012, a director so phenomenally irrelevant he doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page made a film which not only trivialised the Chernobyl catastrophe but also had the gall to be trite, poorly made and awe-inspiringly boring. By the end of Chernobyl Diaries you will be begging for the sweet, scabby embrace of a radioactive mutant Ukrainian. And it’s not often we say that.
It’s sad when your realise something you used to find endless entertainment in as a child is no longer appealing to you. Much like discovering we would rather play drinking games than jump rope, it seems the time has come where we may have outgrown the Chipmunks. Either that or this modern-day retelling of the rodents’ rise to fame in the music industry was, well, crap.
You don’t need us to tell you this was never going to be a good film, but in the age of Up and Where the Wild Things Are, there’s always a chance kids’ movies might surprise you. No surprises here unfortunately – this sequel to the equally inane Alvin and the Chipmunks sees our high-pitched protagonists dealing with high school and a rival rodent-based pop group with typical stupidity and slapstick humour. The plot is formulaic, there’s no acting to speak of and there’s enough cutesyness to test even the strongest stomach.