Colours are just wonderful. Think about how many wonderful colours there are in this world, like magenta and brown. Also wonderful: films! Woody Allen’s latest film Blue Jasmine is out today, which has us very excited because it is a film with a colour in the title. If you don’t see where this is going you don’t know us very well at all.

Three quarters of the way into our Christmas countdown, we’re relaxing our previously bird-centric attitudes to focus on the ladies who make Hollywood dainty and sweet-smelling and so on. Except for Lady Snowblood, who’s a mass murderer. And Margaret ‘Iron Lady’ Thatcher, who wore awful suits and destroyed British heavy industry more or less on a whim. And Lady, who’s a dog and reportedly spent most of her time off-camera licking her own vagina in a pile of fox shit. Ladies are unpredictable, is our point.

A who’s who of pensionable British talent is shipped off to the colonies for The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, a charming comedy which makes full use of its intoxicating setting and first-rate cast. Ever wished Love Actually had more curry and jokes about hip replacements?