Does someone have a spare penis-shaped spaceship/submarine/Prius?

We’ve all heard the good news – the Governator has hung up his democratic sash and is preparing to step back into his loincloth/leather jacket/commando boots of unremitting ass-kickery for some new and crunchy films. Among the fifteen projects Arnie is reportedly considering are remakes of Predator and True Lies, as well as yet another Terminator sequel; but we think he should be diversifying…

To celebrate a wee Scottish holiday by the name of Burns Night, we decided that rather than getting trolleyed on whiskey and singing Auld Lang Syne badly, we would instead celebrate the Best 5 Scottish Actors and the Worst 5 Scottish Accents. Then get trolleyed on whiskey.

“Abandon all hope ye who enter here”. Such reads the sign that confronts Queen Lillian and King Harold as they approach the unfriendly terrain of Rumpelstiltskin’s land in the opening scene of Shrek Forever After. 93 minutes later and you are left wondering who the words were really directed at. Beneath the fireworks of what has been celebrated as the the final chapter of a universally adored franchise lies an apology for an exit that is more dogged than triumphant.

Everyone loves a good movie. There’s nothing better than sitting in the cinema with a loved one or close friend and enjoying two hours of quality celluloid entertainment. However, not every movie out there is good. Sometimes movies, even ones that have a great director and looked really cool in the trailers, can end up being bad. Very, very bad. But how can you be sure that you’re watching a terrible movie? Well my friend, here are 5 things to look out for!

Whether you’re quivering with excitement or sick of the whole damn thing, you can’t help but admire team Shrek for their punning persistance. A few weeks ago we reported that Dreamworks had released four new posters for their upcoming Shrek 4, each baring inspiring tag-lines such as “where ma witches at?” and “it aint ogre till its ogre”. For all those out there crying “more! More!”, we’re happy to provide

After the gross exercise in smug self-indulgence that was Kill Bill and the sadly inconsequential tackiness of Death Proof, Quentin Tarantino looks to be back on form in the utterly demented joy that is Inglourious Basterds.

Paramount have released the first trailer for Shrek 4 – Shrek Forever After which is (hopefully) the final instalment of the Ogre’s adventures.