Have you ever wondered what it would be like to watch a Grand Theft Auto game done with real actors and a tiny effects budget? Then look no further! Blood, Breasts and Stock Characters in Africa: or, Viva Riva!, the first full-length feature film to make it from the Congo to the US, could scarcely be a more crude and depressing reflection of the worst and most pointless aspects of Hollywood. For shame.

We’ve been raving about the phenomenal Life, Above All for months now – you’ve not really got any excuse for not having seen it, but just in case you’re still dragging your heels we’ve got a treat for you. We met up with Oliver Schmitz, director of the Oscar-nominated drama, to discuss orphans, amateurs and executioners.

Things I Learned From Watching Life, Above All: if you don’t a) fall down a hole and die, b) nearly get stoned to death by your village or c) get forced into prostitution and then have your face cut up by a rapist, you will probably die of AIDS. OR all of the above will happen to everyone dear to you and you’ll be left alone in the world. Yay!