Someone needs to stop Sly Stallone before he wastes any more celluloid. An overblown, overacted mess, watching The Expendables is like liquidising all your Rambo DVDs, pouring the resulting testosterone-laden gloop into a shotgun with a generous slug of protein shake, and shooting yourself in the face.
“We are the shadow, the smoke in your eyes, the ghosts that hide in the night…”. If anyone can think of a more ridiculous line to describe Sly Stallone and his motley crew of roided-up ex-wrestlers and 80s action heroes in 2010 action movie The Expendables, we’d like to hear it.
Since his ultra-low budget 1994 debut, Clerks, writer-director Kevin Smith has forged his reputation and cult status with potty-mouthed comedies, which celebrate the unspoken bonds of friendship between men. No better is this exemplified that the misfit characters of Jay and Silent Bob, who wreak havoc in many of his films. Smith brings those same sensibilities to bear on the action comedy Cop Out, about a pair of NYPD officers on the trail of a stolen baseball card.
Yippie Kay Yay, action fans, 20th Century Fox is talking to writer Skip Woods about penning the fifth Die Hard movie. Elderly action star Bruce Willis hinted in February that he could be back as John McClane in a sequel to 2007’s Die Hard 4.0 (Live Free and Die Hard to all you Americans out there) and since that movie made $378 million worldwide, you can’t blame Fox for wanting to milk a bit more money from the Die Hard cash-cow. Moo!
Surrogates shows us a bleak vision of the future (seriously, is there any other type of future according to films?) in which people have the power to create flawless robot versions of themselves. Why, you may ask? Well that’s not really the point, is it? Cos it’s cool. This film explores – with predictable pessimism – a future in which our lives are controlled by machines. And though it’s a little dull in terms of overall message, this is still good, Bruce-Willis-based fun, ensuring you 88 minutes of non-stop action.
Ever wondered how films really should have ended? Like if Bruce Willis hadn’t been dead all along, or that chick in the Crying Game really was, y’know… a chick? Yeah, we lie awake at night worrying about that stuff too. So much so, in fact, that we found a bunch of animations that just might answer those burning questions and cure that chronic insomnia…
If you’re one of the growing millions packing your suitcases, planning to jet far, far away from the misery of January, beware! There are many pyschological pitfalls to avoid whilst airborne. The films you watch on your journey to paradise significantly influence your sanity. Luckily, we’ve created a fool-proof guide of What Not To Watch. Adjust your seatbelt, put up your tray-table and join us in the skies…
It’s a bit of a double-whammy for any John Malkovich fans out there: Not one, but two snippets of news for y’all, and they’re both comic book related. The first comes, naturally enough, from Italian sports show Quelli Che il Calcio, which recently featured Malkovich as a guest.