Your brain is gearing up for another week of think-filth, so who can blame you for spending your final hours of freedom gawping cheerily into nothingness? There are BRAND NEW films out this week, and all of them have splendid, noisy trailers. Stop trying to read anything, leave the washing-up where it is and promise yourself you’ll definitely change your sheets in an hour or so – WATCHING TRAILERS IS NOW!

Film journalists often run through a certain number of preparations before the release of a new film. For any new Michael Bay movie the Caps Lock will be checked and re-checked; before every Katherine Heigl feature critics will hurry out to bathe in acid; and for Christopher Nolan they will bend over and spread their cheeks accordingly. Not so for poor Amanda Seyfried, whose new film Gone opens this week to deafening silence. Probably because there’s not that much to say. Well, except this.

There’s a TINY MAN IN HER HAIR

Her eyes are so big they can hold a gun each.