News team, ASSEMBLE! Since much of our time at Best For Film Towers is spent combing the Internet for the tastiest film news around, we thought it’d be nice to collate the best of each week’s stories into a homogenous texty lump which can inform, entertain and fill you full of useful trivia to regurgitate in the pub. Here’s what’s been going down…

Monday

Monday was overshadowed by the sad but inevitable news that the UK Film Council has finally ceased operation after eleven hugely successful years. However, our anguish was soothed by the appearance of some tasty new footage for Cars 2 and Green Lantern, both of which promise to be endearingly mental. In other news, Tim Burton has hooked his boring repetitive pinstriped claws into lovely Chloe Moretz – she’ll be starring in Dark Shadows.

Tuesday

If we’re honest, it’s amazing we managed to write anything on Tuesday apart from the news that the probable April fool leak about Arnie’s new project The Governator was, in fact, ACTUALLY REAL AND HAPPENING AND STUFF. We also heard that there could (sigh) be a Tron threequel in the works, and winced at the prospect of Will and Jaden Smith teaming up with M. Night Shyamalan. Still, pretty Greek gods make it all better.

Wednesday

Wednesday’s feast of reboots kicked off with news of the Bill and Ted threequel, now just six weeks away from having a draft script. Excellent! Perhaps less excellent is the news that Meg Ryan is now trying to reinvent not only her face but her career – she’ll be directing a film called Into The Beautiful, which will obviously be inferior to the forthcoming big-screen remake of cult 70s cop show The Sweeney, starring Ray Winstone and Plan B.

Thursday

News-wise, Thursday wasn’t looking great – sure, we’re quite interested to see how Andy Serkis does as Second Unit Director on The Hobbit, but Clive Owen is nothing special even when he’s not in the IRA. Fortunately, Keanu Reeves arrived to jazz up the headlines with news of Man of Tai Chi, which he will direct as well as star in. Also, Johnny English Reborn is happening. Christ knows why, but it’s definitely happening and we can’t stop it.

Friday

As usual, we’ve been teased with even more Thor to get us ready for a weekend in NIFLHEIM – we’re starting to rely on a dose of Hemsworth to get our blood racing and help us through inexplicable news about Anonymous, Roland Emmerich’s upcoming film about Shakespeare. There’s a perfectly ordinary English sentence… In other news, Ben Affleck’s going to act all over The Great Gatsby, and Todd Field’s inexplicably making an action film.

And that’s the way it was! See you next week, news fans, and keep watching the skies…