In order to truly get into the spirit of things you will need the following items: the booze of your choice, vodka, an item of leather clothing, a teaspoon and petrol. No, not the stuff you pump into your car but rather a disgusting cocktail of our own devising, designed specifically to mirror the smell, taste and appearance of bike fuel while still being (theoretically) fit for consumption. How much petrol you need will depend on how many people are playing but any amount should be ½ Jagermeister, ¼ low grade red wine (cheaper the better, in order to give it a nice petrolly stink) and ¼ Red Bull.

A QUICK WARNING: This game does not fuck around. Like the Hell’s Angels at Altamont it is here to cause trouble. If you have a weak stomach, have to work in the morning or suffer from Emetophobia (look it up) you can cut down on the messiness factor by leaving out the vodka, teaspoon, petrol and all the “Special Rules” listed below. If not, however, it’s time to don your colours, rev your engines and get chaotic. Which Bike flicks you choose for the purpose are up to you. The more highbrow amongst you will probably go for Easy Rider, The Wild One and The World’s Fastest Indian but sod highbrow. We humbly recommend Jack Nicholson’s less well known motorbike movie Hell’s Angels on Wheels, Charlie Sheen’s surprisingly not-awful Beyond the Law and Werewolves on Wheels, the title of which should give you a good idea of the kind of shenanigans involved.

Take One Drink Whenever:

A motorbike is revved. Before this drink all participants must make a “Vroom, Vroom, Vroom” noise. Any participants who forget to make the noise, refuse to make the noise or do not make the noise with enough enthusiasm must finish their drink.

A gang of bikers whoop and holler obnoxiously.

A bike screeches its brakes.

A biker does a wheelie.

A biker drinks a beer.

Someone refers to a motorbike as a “ride”, “hog” or “machine”.

Someone refers to the police as “pig”, “pigs”, “piggies” or makes an “oink, oink” noise

Take Two Drinks Whenever:

A biker picks up an attractive female hitchhiker.

A bartender/ diner employee looks around nervously and says “We don’t want no trouble here” or words to that effect.

A biker drinks a strong alcoholic beverage from a glass or bottle.

A beer bottle is smashed over someone’s head or someone is hit with a bike chain.

A rock song that could be properly described as “heavy” plays on the soundtrack. Before this drink all participants must loudly sing “Born to be Wild” – not the entire song, just those four words. Participants who fail to sing must finish their drinks.

A biker crashes his bike and his body skids across a highway.

Somebody opens a flick-knife.

A bike gang rides into a small town and the locals stare at them in awe.

A police siren wails.

Take Three Drinks Whenever:

A biker turns into or is revealed to be a werewolf/ vampire/ ghost.

A redneck simpleton smiles with no teeth.

A biker drinks a strong alcoholic beverage from a hip flask.

Jimi Hendrix plays on the soundtrack.

A biker is propositioned by a stereotype homosexual.

A bike is “ghostied” – i.e.: the rider jumps off and allows it to run on its own.

A biker dies.

Snort a Teaspoonful of Vodka Whenever:

Illegal drugs of any description are taken.

Drink a Shot of Petrol Whenever:

Petrol is seen leaking from a bike’s tank.

A biker pumps petrol into his bike.

A biker runs out of petrol at a crucial moment.

Drink a Glass of Petrol Whenever:

A vehicle of any kind explodes.

Special Rules:

All participants in this game should be wearing at least one item of leather clothing. Anyone not wearing leather or who removes their leather clothing during the course of the game must take an extra drink every ten minutes as forfeit.

Whenever a biker stands up on the saddle of a moving motorbike and puts his hands out to the side each participant must take it in turns to stand on their chair with their hands out while the person next to them pours a drink in their mouth.

Whenever something unintentionally homo-erotic happens – e.g. one biker compliments another on the size of his motorbike, someone makes an unwitting double entendre about helmets, two bikers look at each other with what appears to be more than mutual respect – each participant must lock drinking arms with the participant next to them, look deep into their eyes and say “I wish I knew how to quit you” before taking three drinks.