Beetle Juice

Rated 15. It’s like Tim Burton has a monopoly on Halloween, or something. Two recently deceased ghosts hire a bio-exorcist in an attempt to remove the insufferable new owners of their house. Nothing could be more wonderfully objectionable or surreal than Michael Keeton playing Beetle Juice in this film. It was also a career-catapulting outing for Winona Ryder, who consequently stole the hearts of boys wearing black everywhere.

SCARY Factor
This one isn’t scary but it is more malevolent in tone than one would guess. Keeton’s Beetle Juice is a truly disgusting (deceased) human being.

SPOOKY Factor
It’s a Tim Burton film. Of course it’s spooky. And imaginative. The afterlife job centre is fearsome, and as for the otherly dimensions of hell…

SEXY Factor
Moody Winona Ryder wore black. This anti-sexy caught on like wildfire and kickstarted her A-list career.

SILLY HAIR Factor
There’s nothing silly about gothic backcombed hair. Nothing.

HALLOWEEN Factor
The dead rub shoulders with the living on Halloween and in Beetle Juice, making it the ultimate Halloween movie, albeit one that always gets ignored.

Beetle Juice Quotes

Lydia: [Lydia is writing a suicide note] I am alone.
[throws paper away and starts over]
Lydia: I am *utterly* alone.

Juno: What’s wrong?
Barbara: We’re very unhappy.
Juno: What did you expect? You’re dead.

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Candyman

Rated R. Ahahah-ahaha-haha! I do apologise, but Candyman is most rofflesome. A terrifying man who’s sort of made of bees! Student Helen Lyle is writing a thesis on urban legends. She hears about this dude called the Candyman who’s got one arm and does bad things if you say his name five times in a mirror. Say it with us now – Candyman, Candyman, Candyman, Candyman, Candyman.

SCARY Factor
Ummm, the film gets less scary and more related to fire and bees later on, but the first half has lots of jumps with gore and stabbings and misty bathroom mirrors that do weird things… Actually, I can’t entirely remember if it features a misty ghostly bathroom mirror. It is the sort of movie that probably might.

SPOOKY Factor
Ties into the old Halloween tradition of saying the Lord’s Prayer backwords three times in a mirror to see if your future husband appears before you – or Death himself.

SEXY Factor
Candyman would probably like to think it’s got a sexy factor. The main sex quotient is provided by Tony Todd wandering around looking dapper and scary/noble. Either the camera or the person behind the camera loves him.

SILLY HAIR Factor
It was made in 1992 so you can definitely enjoy some eighties-hangover hairstyles.

HALLOWEEN Factor
Urban legends are the modern ghost story. As such, urban legends are now synonymous with Halloween films.

Candyman Quotes

Candyman: They will say that I have shed innocent blood. What’s blood for, if not for shedding?

Candyman: Why do you want to live? If you would learn just a little from me, you would not beg to live. I am rumour. It is a blessed condition, believe me. To be whispered about at street corners. To live in other people’s dreams, but not to have to be. Do you understand?

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The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Rated 12. Brad and Janet’s car breaks down on a stormy night and they are forced to stay with the evil Doctor Frank’n’Furter. A camp and irreverent musical. Pefect for watching with friends on Halloween. Audience participation is a must, so google for a list of the traditional heckles and don’t forget your party props: Umbrellas for the storm, rice for the wedding and bras and garters for the rest of it.

SCARY Factor
Zilch. The Rocky Horror Picture Show is not scary unless you’re a misplaced thong or garter.

SPOOKY Factor
Camp spookiness a-go-go. You have the evil genius doctor, the monster, the spooky henchman and all that’s needed for a good Hammer Horror film. They’re just not wearing much except for lipstick.

SEXY Factor
It’s up to you. Is high camp sexy? If so, this is very sexy indeed. So sleazy it comes out the other side into charming and wholesome.

SILLY HAIR Factor
Beyond silly and into iconic. Who hasn’t fallen into the old trap of backcombing their hair into a giant upturned cone and spraying stripes along it with whippy creme? ‘Tis an old trap indeed.

HALLOWEEN Factor
Perfect for a spooky, drink-riddled social gathering. And it has proto-goths in it. Ideal Halloween fare.

Rocky Horror Show Quotes

Frank: Do you have any tattoos?
Brad: [offended] Certainly not!

Frank: [singing] Whatever happened to Fay Wray / That delicate satin-draped frame / As it clung to her thigh / How I started to cry / ‘Cause I wanted to be dressed just the same.

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The Nightmare Before Christmas

Rated PG. Looky-here… Tim Burton sneaks onto the list again! Tim Burton’s genius was to create a stop-motion animated family film that works equally well at subverting/celebrating both Christmas and Halloween. Jack Skellington, king of Halloweentown, tries to take over the business of Christmas Town, but doesn’t quite understand the concept. One of those rare musicals where at least 70% of the songs are a joy to listen to.

SCARY Factor
Not so scary – you side with the anti-hero, after all. Kids might wriggle delightedly at the wormy old Oogie Boogie Man.

SPOOKY Factor
Most spooksome indeed. Tim Burton knows that spooky comes from out-of-context. Halloween running Christmas is as out of context as you get.

SEXY Factor
Jack Skellington is skellingtony eye candy for the girls. Sally is stitched-up eye candy for the boys. Win-win!

SILLY HAIR Factor
It’s not the hair that’s the issue. It’s the lack of skin covering the skulls.

HALLOWEEN Factor
Through the roof. All the trappings of Halloween – just done in a Christmassy way.

The Nightmare Before Christmas Quotes

Lock, Shock, Barrel: [singing] Kidnap the Sandy Claws, / beat him with a stick, / lock him up for ninety years, / see what makes him tick.

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Murder Party

Okay, we lied about the way we were choosing our Halloween films. Describing itself as “Napoleon Dynamite meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre“, Murder Party isn’t a popcorn, chocolate ‘n’ razorblades Halloween film like many on our list. This is a blacker-than-black comedy, an indie film full of situational dark humour that won awards at the 2007 Slamdance Film Festival. A perfectly nice traffic warden responds to an advert for a Halloween ‘murder party’, arranged by a bunch of asinine, pretentious artists who wish to capture a murder on film to score some grant funding. Murder Party is arguably better than anything Kevin Smith (Clerks) has done for a decade. Going one better: Most of the main characters in this movie have known each other since they were kids, when they spent their free time making movies with a VHS camera. Final seal of approval: Murder Party was distributed by Magnolia Films, who also brought us Severance.

SCARY Factor
There’s gore, but no more than you’d see in the average zombie film.

SPOOKY Factor
The dark situational humour creates an atmosphere all of its own.

SEXY Factor
Just watch it and see. But yes, there is a sexy factor.

SILLY HAIR Factor
Oh, for god’s sake. This is a proper film. We’re not going to refer to hair.

HALLOWEEN Factor – An invitation to a Halloween party leads to a plot with a premise and execution you’ve never seen before. If you and your friends fancy a bit of art scene bashing and are genuinely tired of shlocky horror and the usual teeth-rotting Halloween fare, this is the movie to watch.

Murder Party Quotes

Bill: F*ck the scene! Everyone dies!

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MORE: Check out the 5 best Halloween movies of all time