Your brain is gearing up for another week of think-filth, so who can blame you for spending your final hours of freedom gawping cheerily into nothingness? There are BRAND NEW films out this week, and all of them have splendid, noisy trailers. Stop trying to read anything, leave the washing-up where it is and promise yourself you’ll definitely change your sheets in an hour or so – WATCHING TRAILERS IS NOW!

Today heralds the release of post-nuclear war horror flick The Divide. In order to celebrate its arrival onto our screens, BFF brings you a drinking game that will help you forget about the fact that your hair is falling out in clumps (because of the radiation) and that there’s a ton of zombies hammering at your door hungry to eat your brains or whatever.

Film journalists often run through a certain number of preparations before the release of a new film. For any new Michael Bay movie the Caps Lock will be checked and re-checked; before every Katherine Heigl feature critics will hurry out to bathe in acid; and for Christopher Nolan they will bend over and spread their cheeks accordingly. Not so for poor Amanda Seyfried, whose new film Gone opens this week to deafening silence. Probably because there’s not that much to say. Well, except this.

CABIN IN THE WOODS IS OUT! Obviously that’s what you’re going to go and see this week, but if you’ve seen it already (we all have) then you might need some other ideas on how to use your Orange 2-4-1 voucher. Or you could just, you know, see Cabin in the Woods again. That’s what we’d do. Have done. Are doing, tonight, again. Whatever. FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT

What do you know about Kristin Scott Thomas? Exactly. She’s beautiful and French (except she isn’t, but you know) and she plays lots of tragic heroines and frigid upper-class women and generally people who look down their nose at the world until they suddenly have all the sex. If that’s it, you need this Cheat Sheet like KST needs a genteel chignon (clue: a lot)

Ah, the much whipped remake. Announcements of remakes more often than not get hackles up, heads shaking and tongues tutting. Dismissed before they’re released, judged before they’re seen, doomed forever to live in the shadow of their older sibling. But should they? With the news that Chloe Moretz is heading up the Carrie remake, we’ve decided to get all OPTIMISM on this thing.

More than forty years ago, radical director Ken Loach was hired to produce a documentary about the work of Save the Children. Last year it was shown publicly for the first time after a decades-long suppression campaign orchestrated by the charity itself. And this Thursday you can not only see it but hear the man himself discuss it. In Peckham. Thank God it’s Monday, eh?

You wake up one morning, only to discover that your parents have abandoned you in the homestead to fend for yourself. And at Christmastime no less! What now? If you were Kevin McAllister, you’d fearlessly defend yourself and your domicile against the invading hordes. But you’re not, so crack open mama’s special Grand Marnier and drink until your retinas detach.

Following the much anticipated opening of the new Harry Potter Studio Tour, we thought it was only fair that that we create a wipe-clean, drunk-friendly list of reasons you as human Muggles should part with your cash to essentially spend a few hours not being in the Harry Potter films. Presenting, the top 10 most pressing incentives to go and experience the magic of the films’ creation for yourself, as a handy acrostic poem (Dumbledore bloody LOVES this kind of stuff).

Remember how good Buffy was? And Firefly and Serenity? And Angel? And Firefly? DO YOU REMEMBER? DO YOU? Here at BFF we remember because, much like elephants well-versed in the art of watching films and TV shows and writing nonsense about them, WE NEVER FORGET ABOUT THOSE FILMS AND TV SHOWS. To cut a long story very short (because we’re all wetting ourselves over the release of Cabin in the Woods and need to get to the toilet pronto) we bring you a Top Ten list that would make even Terrence Malick quake in his hermit boots. So here, take these words and read them knowing there’s no way you will ever be as good a person as Joss Whedon. Oh, and, we should probably say….SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS.