Another week? Really? Don’t worry, at some point you’ll die and all this will come to a welcome end, but until then it’s Monday and there’s nothing we can do about it. Still, there are always marvellous things going on, and it’s OUR JOB to raise your spirits with them. Set your anticipation guns from stun to kill; it’s time for the Rich Mix’s Festival Of Dangerous Ideas.

No, no – not films with women in them. That would be silly. Instead, to celebrate the release of mumbling Jonny Cusack’s Edgar Allan Poe biopic (loosest use of the term) The Raven, we’ll be turning our attention to appearances made by our feathered friends on the big screen. To paraphrase Peter Pan “Being drunk is the happiest thing! It’s the same as having wings!”

Have you seen the weather? It’s ghastly – never mind that you were having a picnic last weekend, Jack Frost is back and he’s all too ready to introduce an icicle to your most jealously guarded passages. Why not sit in a nice cosy cinema with someone huggable instead of wandering around outside? OWLTIME:

He’s got another mediocre action film out – in this one he plays the grizzled vet to Ryan Reynolds’ wet-behind-the-ears n00b, so THAT’s new and exciting! – and more in the pipeline – has Denzel Washington forgotten the power and flair which won him two Oscars? No, actually, he hasn’t. Hang on, what do you mean you didn’t know about the two Oscars? Nurse – give this patient a Cheat Sheet, stat.

So Jake Lloyd – aka, the wrong Anakin Skywalker – has recently been in the news citing The Phantom Menace as the reason his life turned out all wrong. Join the club, Jake. We’re all suffering here. Anyway, the ironic thing is that Jake Lloyd’s life being hilariously crap is possibly the one thing in the world we can’t actually blame on George Lucas. Why? Read on…

Whether you’re London, Belfast or Edinburgh-based, this week belongs to Poland. And as for the rest of you, you’re probably better off dead. Unless you’re actually from Poland, in which case we’ll let you off. Polish Film Festival! Hurrah for Monday!

It’s Friday and you want to ride along the fast-track to drunken oblivion. What better way to do it than with a bunch of films depicting people being even more debaucherous and moronic than you?

OK, so it’s not exactly been a seminal week in terms of film releases, but that’s simply no excuse to spend your time with family, friends or miscellaneous loved ones. Today is Wednesday, DAMMIT. And today we sit in a smug, two for one darkness, safe in the knowledge that our on-screen pals will always be there for us. Except for Katherine Heigl, obviously.

This week, Reese stars in This Means War, a film where she forces two lifelong friends (and also… spies? Or something. I don’t know. Ask John.) to compete for her love, destroying one another in the process. Hang on a second, haven’t we seen this before? Y’know, Reese Witherspoon systematically ruining the lives of those around her? Let’s investigate.

Ever wanted to watch your favourite films in a warehouse space made out of reclaimed waste materials? Well, you can from 29th February. Thank God it’s Monday!