It’s Friday, you’ve got a week to go until the last Harry Potter film comes out – let’s face it, what else are you going to do? We might as well crack on and get Blast-Ended Skrewted. Bibite!

Take one sip:

Whenever Chris Columbus is sickeningly charming. “I’m a… [“Cue the puppy dog eyes!”] …wizard?”
Whenever Alfonso Cuaron is insanely fanciful. Possible spin-off idea #35 – Hermione Granger and the Pink Cardigan of Doom?
Whenever David Yates is gratuitously gritty. He totally wanted Michael Caine to cameo in-character as Harry Brown, didn’t he?

Take two sips:

Whenever you catch yourself fancying a teacher. Doesn’t matter which, we’ve all been there. There’s something about Professor Trelawney’s massively magnified eyes…
Whenever you second-guess a character’s spell choice. Don’t be a dick, Ron, this is a perfect opportunity for the Full Body-Bind!
Whenever you badly, badly want to hit Pigwidgeon with a Beater’s truncheon. Or a cricket bat, or a 2×4 – anything really, just to see what would happen when it hit a wall.

Take three sips:

Whenever something completely mental and non-canon is shoehorned into the script for the sake of a tasty visual. The toad choir. Just… We don’t… Christ.
Whenever you take a moment to wonder at just how spectacularly white Hogwarts is. Can you say ‘token black wizard’, Kingsley?
Whenever Hedwig’s Theme makes you a bit teary. Damn you, John Williams, soundtrack to our childhoods!

DOWN IT YOU MUDBLOOD:

Whenever you realise that you’ve been spending your pocket money/wages/blood donation payoffs on Harry Potter for fifteen years, in which time JK Rowling has become richer than God. AND SHE HASN’T EVEN BOUGHT YOU ANY BOOZE TO DRINK ALONG WITH!

If you start now, you should be able to blast your way through the last seven films – one a night, with the days off to have your stomach pumped – before Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 comes out on Friday 15th July. Happy quaffing!