Monday

As if it hadn’t quite gathered the courage to face the week on its own terms, Monday was all about remakes, reboots, sequels and biopics (which aren’t like real films because they’ve happened already). Julianne ‘look how red my hair is’ Moore has joined Kimberley Pierce’s eagerly awaited Carrie remake as the titular character’s abusive mother, and a handful of new images have turned up for Colin Farrell’s forthcoming Arnie impression in Total Recall. Frank Miller’s not-even-a-bit-filmed-yet sequel Sin City: A Dame to Kill For presented its first sexy noir poster, and Jimi Hendrix’ estate got sniffy about the prospect of a biopic of the guitarist starring Andre 3000. Oh, and The Avengers made even more money. Standard.

Tuesday

It’s a shame Tuesday doesn’t begin with a C, because this Tuesday was Casting Tuesday! See how good that would have been? Ezra Miller was given the role of some clerk chappy in Madame Bovary, Taylor Lautner will continue to wreck his embryonic career in Tracers, Idris Elba’s going to be in Thor 2 and Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie are lending their voices to a new adaptation of Oscar Wilde’s The Canterville Ghost. Just to remind you that sometimes films get made after they’re cast, we saw a pretty dull photo from Anchorman: The Legend Continues and a quietly intriguing trailer for Orlando Bloom’s new venture The Good Doctor. Oh, and there’s an Amazing Spider-Man ‘super preview‘, but it’s not really super at all. Next!

Wednesday

Inconveniently enough, Wednesday failed to stick to any sort of theme – you can probably chalk it up to the fact that Wednesday used to be Rosie the Magic Roundabout day on Playdays and everyone still feels a bit dizzy in consequence. Covering basically the full range of Things We Write About, the world learnt that a) Joss Whedon might not direct The Avengers 2, b) Aaron Sorkin will be writing the Steve Jobs biopic, c) Pierce Brosnan and Dominic Cooper are making an iffy-sounding spy film, d) Michel Gondry’s new film The We And The I has a trailer, e) Anchorman: The Legend Continues has another boring poster and f) Michael Caine got trapped in the attic of a disused theatre in New Orleans. All pretty regular film journalistic archetypes, right?

Thursday

Thursday is not only almost the weekend, it’s also THOR’S DAY, and the mighty god of thunder sent us a bundle of delicious news to get us through to Friday. First things first, Max Greenfield is to appear in rom-com parody We Came Together. Not fussed? Alright, let’s say that again – Schmidt from The New Girl is to appear in rom-com parody We Came Together. NOW you’re interested. Morgan Freeman is on the verge of joining Michael Douglas’ comeback film Last Vegas alongside Robert De Niro, which should be amazing on principle, and the gloriously gory trailer for Elijah Wood’s Maniac more than made up for the humdrum one for Won’t Back Down and the leaked teaser for Anchorman 2. And and AND that film about shark assassin and occasional writer Ernest Hemingway is finally happening! AND Liam Neeson looks like a complete fucking lad in these Taken 2 images. ANDANDAND Emma Thompson’s having an affair with Will Smith writing the Annie remake starring Willow Smith! BOOM.

Friday

Cool your jets, you need to get a bit less excited or you’re going to power into the weekend so fast you rip its tits off with your bare hands. With that in mind, Friday’s news was a bit boring. There’s a poster for Skyfall which nearly made the various lobes of Tash’s brain stop talking to each other, Jessica Alba and Mickey Rourke have confirmed their involvement in Sin City 2 and Marion Cotillard is starring in A Separation director Asghar Farhadi’s new film. That’s all fairly chilled out news, right? Oh, apart from the fact that THE ROCK MIGHT BE PLAYING A MOTHERFUCKING SUPERHERO! Go forth and destroy the weekend – it’s what Dwayne would want you to do.