Orange(Wednesday)s And Lemons #43

*Various web-based discrepancies has left BFF towers in a state of disarray. Chasing the retreating, wireless tendrils of the Internet Beast with varying degrees of failure, it’s left to the team to sit back, mutter darkly about Showing Technology Who’s Boss Once And For All and chatter about what they’re watching tonight…*

Florence (knows more about Hugh Dancy than is entirely comfortable):

My Orange this week goes to We Need to Talk About Kevin, because I still haven’t seen it and apparently it’s the best thing ever and if I don’t see it, everyone will pull my hair and call me a dirty heathen. Tilda Swinton is always good value for money and I loved the trailer, especially the bit where she takes the crying baby and stands by the drill because she doesn’t want to listen to the crying baby anymore. That looked like good acting. My Lemon goes to Anonymous, because I’ve already seen it and it’s stupid. Also, I never covered this in my review but the guy who plays Ben Jonson had a stupid voice. Just be aware of that.

Orange Choice: We Need To Talk About Kevin
Ultimate Lemon: Anonymous


John (wearing thermals and very excited to tell you about it):

It’s a shame that ‘orange’ isn’t Cockney rhyming slang for anything (it definitely isn’t – there is no word in English which rhymes with ‘orange’), because I’d quite like to have made up some sort of facetious apples’n’pears-esque turn of phrase to introduce my enthusiastic endorsement of East End revenge thriller Sket, in which girls fight like guys and guys rape like people with moustaches. It’s filthy, graphic and really rather good; just make sure you take an English/Street phrasebook. For In Time, however, you’ll need your English/TIME PUNS phrasebook – bar the ten second scene in which Amanda Seyfried gets her tits out, it’s monstrously scripted nonsense from end to end. Don’t waste your time or your fruit.

Orange Choice: Sket
Ultimate Lemon: In Time


Jonny (has a laugh that startles even the mightiest cliffs):

You know what interests me? German police procedurals. Well, not really, but The Silence looks to be actually worth a watch, so I’m getting the distinct aroma of oranges from it. With any luck it’ll have lots of police dudes staring at crime scenes muttering about “Das horror…” No prizes for guessing my lemon this week, as if there’s one thing that every schoolchild is taught about yellow citrus fruits, it’s this: Lemons are just like devils, imps, witches and, most importantly, demons. That is to say they’re poorly plotted, badly written and just never die.

Orange Choice: The Silence
Ultimate Lemon: Demons Never Die


Tash (could live pretty happily on biscuits, eggs and wine):

I can’t believe we’ve managed to get this far into an OWLS without anyone mentioned how brilliant Ryan Gosling is. Don’t worry guys, I’ll pick up the slack, AS USUAL. Got to be Ides Of March, innit? Sparky political intrigue, sharp suits, shifting loyalties and Paul Giamatti – that’s Wednesday sorted, right there. On the flip-side of Insight Into The Zeitgeist there’s Tower Heist – tapping into the financial crisis via the means of Eddie Murphy swearing and grinning. No thanks.

Orange Choice: The Ides Of March
Ultimate Lemon: Tower Heist


Papa Neish (tombstone will read: I Did It All For Hocus Pocus):

I was going to watch the latest releases, I really was, but then The Rocky Horror Picture Show time-warped into my local cineplex and seduced me with its irrestistably seasonal jollies; Shakespearian scandal and undying demon’s just couldn’t compete. As such, I can only recommend that you treat yourself to a second helping of Tintin (preferrably in 3D), in lieu of anything else to get even remotely excited about. It’s big, it’s fun and your custom will fly heroically in the face of everyone and their pretensions at The Guardian. To be avoided this week is Brett Ratner’s Tower Heist, a film with all the appeal of an Eddie Murphy movie.

Orange Choice: The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn
Ultimate Lemon: Tower Heist


Kayleigh (dressed for battle. Sexy battle.):

There’s nothing that makes me happier on a Wednesday afternoon than fighting viciously over the oranges and lemons on offer. Luckily for me, I’m sinking my teeth into the wonderful vitamin C soaked orange that is Ghostbusters. So what if it’s a re-release? Each of those hilarious actors have got an unlicensed nuclear accelerator strapped to their backs and mayhem is sure to occur…and it definitely will, because I own the film on dvd and know exactly how it’ll turn out. I don’t even care. My lemon is being squeezed into the eyes of Gerard Butler, the Machine Gun Preacher. Preaching? No. Machine guns? No. Gerard? Meh. So not bothered and even less bothered when I heard his dodgy South African accent. Basically, I’m not interested in doing anything other than mauling this flick and squeezing ever sip of lemonade out of it. Like a lion – topical, huh?

Orange Choice: Ghostbusters
Ultimate Lemon: Machine Gun Preacher


DVB (tried his best to murder BFF today, murder it with clicking):

Another week, another speight of ploddingly average releases. It’s probably not cool to just demand that you go and see We Have to Talk About Kevin again, so instead I suppose I’ll slap a tenuous recommendation on The Ides of March. It’s probably great, but I can’t shake off this weird allergy I have for films that are so explicitly worthy. Speaking of worthy, get the hell out of the way of Machine Gun Preacher. Its intent may be pure, but Gerard Butler’s a bloody menace and I’m prejudiced against Marc Foster because I really didn’t like Monster’s Ball.

Orange Choice: The Ides Of March
Ultimate Lemon: Machine Gun Preacher


Plenty on offer this week, but which one takes your dirty little fancy? Tell us or mourn always:

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