*Today a massive gummy bear was delivered to the office. It’s pretty much set us back by like four days*

Kayleigh (could lose eight fingers and would still be better at this than anyone in the world):

My orange this week gets handed to Footloose, without a shadow of a doubt. I’m ashamed, to be frank, especially now I can see it written down. although with plenty of shame!). I thought, at first, I’d hate the remake; “blah blah classic blah blah fluffy chick flick blah blah get some new storylines, bitches”. You know, all the usual reasons for a film critic not to be on board with something. But then I saw the trailer and found myself nodding my head in time to the music and crying out in disbelief as I found out that music and dance had been banned. BANNED! Sure, I knew it was going to happen but, you know, it doesn’t make it any less dramatic. And it looks FUN. I like fun. Most people do, despite all their pretending otherwise, so i feel justified. Ahem. My bitter lemon goes to Sleeping Beauty. Emily Browning’s hot naked bod being pawed over by rich old fuddy duddies as she lays sleeping? I can do without that in my life.

Orange Choice: Footloose
Ultimate Lemon: Sleeping Beauty

 

P.Neish (spent the week saving BFF, as usual):

While my inner girl wants to tell you to go and watch Craig Brewer’s excellent Footloose remake (actually, screw it, go and watch Craig Brewer’s excellent Footloose remake), I have only heart enough for one orange this week. I didn’t expect to like Real Steel, I really didn’t – and neither would you if you’d seen the trailer – but it caught me completely by surprise, bowling me over with the force of those loaded, teary glances that Evangeline Lilly does so devastatingly well. In fact, if George Lucas could remake his prequel trilogy with Dakota Goyo as Anakin Skywalker, all would be right with the world. If you have no desire to be moved to tears by a bunch of actors acting, however, go see The Three Musketeers; you can be bored to tears instead.

Orange Choice: Real Steel
Ultimate Lemon: The Three Musketeers

 

John (stabber of creatures):

This week my oranges are being crushed under a mighty metal foot as I back firmly into Real Steel’s corner – big, thrilling and starring Hugh Jackman looking acceptably but not overwhelmingly buff (Wolverine’s a bit too hench for me, personally), it’s the best fun you’ll have in the cinema this week without running into a screening of Footloose and telling everyone they’ll die alone. I’ll be planting a lemon tree in the Texas Killing Fields, a film about which I know nothing other than that it’s set in Texas, stars Sam ‘what’s acting?’ Worthington and is about people getting killed in, or possibly around, a field. Bugger that for a laugh.

Orange Choice: Real Steel
Ultimate Lemon: Texas Killing Fields

 

DVB (looks EXACTLY like Will from The Inbetweeners):

What a difference a week makes. Last week, you couldn’t move for celluloid genius. This week, I nearly dislocated my shoulders whilst shrugging so hard that they actually touched my ears. It’s at times like this that I thank God for Cillian Murphy, Ireland’s equivalent to Ryan Gosling, so I’ll be seeking out Retreat. I just can’t get far away enough from Dolphin Tale 3D, which has proven once and for all that if there’s one thing that can put me off a film more than the redeeming power of Jesus Christ, it’s the redeeming power of wounded animals.

Orange Choice: Retreat
Ultimate Lemon: Dolphin Tale 3D

 

Tash (didn’t think “confiscating knives” was included in her job description):

If it was possible for me to have Downton Abbey as my Orange for this and every week I would, but with that being impossible due to our STUPID WEBSITE NAME, I’m going to do the next best thing and nominate Albatross. Lovely Jessica Brown Findlay as a foul-mouthed, sharp minded young gent-seducer – it’s only a small step on from Lady Sybil anyway, if we’re honest. It also showcases the wide-eyed loveliness of Felicity Jones – a lass we’re all going to see a lot more of once Like Crazy hits our screens. In terms of what not to watch, it’s going to have to be two hours of watching Will Ferrell sitting in a chair – Everything Must Go. You really mustn’t.

Orange Choice: Albatross
Ultimate Lemon: Everything Must Go

 

Footloose and Ferrell free? Let us know which word-spouter you want to have a big shout at…