Orange(Wednesday)s and Lemons #63

*Tis all change once again at BFF Towers, but the stalwarts remain, shuffling round the dusty corridors like faithful, diabetic spaniels. As the villages rejoice among the summer fetes (yep, they exist), our heroes are left to grumble about the Total Recall reboot and aggressively drink old cups of tea. Summertime.*

Tash (committed to the shadows):

HUNGRY for good cinema? Upping your GAME as far as your film-watching is concerned? Well there’s really only one option for you this week – Pirates! In An Adventure With Scientists. OH HELLO mental switcheroo – it’s tactics like that that means I’d emerge victorious from a televised fight to the death. Anyway, Aardman’s take on salty sea-dog jaunts looks uniformly charming, and it’s been ages since I’ve watched Charles Darwin engage in any real swordplay. I’m not quite so up for Acts Of Valour – real-life tales of real-life Navy Seals played by real-life people doing the jobs… it’s either going to be depressing and accurate or depressing and ridiculous. Either way, pirate involvement is probably minimal at best.

Orange Choice: Pirates! In An Adventure With Scientists
Ultimate Lemon: Act Of Valour

Kayleigh (fondling a cobweb):

THE HUNGER GAMES GETS MY ORANGE! Ahem. I suppose you want reasons, don’t you? You people and your demand for fully backed-up opinions will be the death of me. Much like The Hunger Games will be the death of all those who enter the vicious competition. But, on a serious note, the film is genuinely fantastic. I had my doubts, what with all those people dubbing it ‘the new Twilight‘ but this dystopian drama is thought-provoking, entertaining and boasts a cast of lovely lovely acting types, such as Jennifer Lawrence, Stanley Tucci and Woody Harrelson. Plus it casts a horrifying new light on reality television – TOWIE is officially the first step on the road to evil, guys. Act Of Valour, on the other hand, glorifies war. I’m squirting lemon juice into the wounds of this shameless piece of bloody Navy SEAL propaganda.

Orange Choice: The Hunger Games
Ultimate Lemon: Act Of Valour

Papa Neish (cursing the clear skies):

So, the question this week appears to be: who would win in a fight between clay pirates, some wildish man named Bill and the might of Gary Ross’ record-breaking, child-killing Capitol? I’m here to tell you that the answer is all of them (probably), but because I still have yet to see Wild Bill, and because The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists has yet to upset The Daily Mail, I’m going to have to award this week’s orange to The Hunger Games – you know, that franchise I’ve been banging on about since it took over my life. Sucking on lemons this week is Satan, who phoned in a pretty terrible performance recently for The Devil Inside. He must know it’s not his best work. Maybe that’s why he’s been so busy slandering the competition.

Orange Choice: Pirates! In An Adventure With Scientists
Ultimate Lemon: Act Of Valour

DVB (kicking a child, because of its warm soul) :

It’s alright everyone, you can come back inside; films are good again! Look at all of them, and how good they are. There’s the one that’s better than Twilight, and the one Dexter Fletcher did, and there’s the one that literally came out today with Pirates in that you’ll see a hundred times before you die. See these things, see them all, but don’t forget to also see The Kid With A Bike, the latest and apparently best from the Dardenne Brothers, who generally don’t fuck about. Unfortunately, I must end this OWL on a very serious note: with all these films, and all this sunshine, if you somehow end up sitting through Act of Valour tonight I’m going to have to murder you.

Orange Choice: The Kid With A Bike
Ultimate Lemon: Act Of Valour

Florence (fully dressed in a cold, dark shower):

The sun has got his hat on, everyone! Accordingly, we should all be lying on the grass slathering ourselves in oil and listening to our boomboxes. Sadly, my complexion doesn’t take well to strong light meaning this Wednesday I will be making my way, decked out in some kind of full-body smock no doubt, to my nearest cinema and watching the delightful 21 Jump Street. This may have something to do with the fact that I had a dream about Channing Tatum last night where he was my boyfriend but it’s largely because this is the funniest film I’ve seen in a long while. Watch it! My boyfriend is great and funny in it and there’s also a crazy cameo right near the end. I could happily Lemon the majority of other films out this week because MAN it is a bit of a cinematic wasteland out there at the moment. But if I had to choose, I’d plump for The Devil Inside because ENOUGH ALREADY with the exorcism movies, people.

Orange Choice: 21 Jump Street
Ultimate Lemon: The Devil Inside

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