*Another week, another new arrival – Hannah’s back from her travels to the greater Birmingham area! Let’s let her start:*

Hannah (struggling to tweet):
It has been a while since I last was around to take part in the glory that are the OWLs. The lack of citrus fruit means that I have developed scurvy. Bum. Well, the road to recovery starts here, so before I suffer anymore let me get started. Normally I wouldn’t pick anything with Ben Affleck in as a good choice, but I must this week give my orange to Argo. Movember seems to be working well for Benny Boy and I think it looks nothing less than perfect. That’s a lot in faith in you fuzz face – don’t let me down… Lemons are packed full of goodness, but no matter how fast my skin might be disintergrating, nothing on earth will get me near Kevin James. Actually, maybe I could pass scurvy onto him. Can that happen? It’s not worth sitting through Here Comes The Boom to find out.

Orange Choice: Argo
Ultimate Lemon: Here Comes the Boom

Papa Neish (Пизда с ушами):
I’ll hold my riper fruit for when The Paperboy and Cloud Atlas finally open in the UK (I saw them both in Syktyvkar last week), and instead orange Argo, the first film from Daredevil-turned-director Ben Affleck that looks like it might actually be enjoyable. One film I simply can’t get on board with is Rust and Bone (or “Conquerors Of The Waves”, as it’s known here). Not only does it look just like every other sea mammal movie ever made — When Harry Met Willy — but it has the added disadvantage of starring everybody’s least favourite Frenchwoman, Marion Cotillard.

Orange Choice: Argo
Ultimate Lemon: Rust and Bone

Eli (Swedish mystic):
Pick of the week undoubtedly goes to Argo, partly because there’s not a lot else worth shouting about, partly because it has Affleck in DOUBLE DENIM. Mostly the latter. Entirely the latter. Painstakingly detailed historical drama makes for the most satisfying films, and Argo appears to be no exception. There’s a fair bit to avoid on your way to Baffleck’s prestigious history lesson, so avert your eyes if Kevin James is in your local cinema’s foyer asking people if they’d like to see his latest pile of monkey shit. Avoid like you would a Kevin James film. I was going to write plague but Here Comes the Boom is far, far worse.

Orange Choice: Argo
Ultimate Lemon: Here Comes the Boom

John (I thought you liked… pork):
I feel as if Oranging anything other than Argo this week would be setting myself up for a BFF mutiny, so I’ll throw in my lot with Ben Affleck and his intriguing Iranian adventure too. Hurrah for beards and pretend sci-fi films and the murderous regime of the Ayatollah Khomeini! Meanwhile, my Lemon is destined for Chris Pine’s huge, square head – People Like Us is, as I discovered this week, the sort of film that your mum’s boyfriend will earnestly recommend to you, and everything about that is wrong. Stick to shooting things, Pine, nobody gives a toss about your feelings.

Orange Choice: Argo
Ultimate Lemon: People Like Us

Vincent (a chai-wallah!):
There’s a rather decent selection to choose from this week, whether it be for Oranges or Lemons. There’s a lot of crap floating out there in the ether at the moment, but a stupendous Lemon must go to Here Comes the Boom. It’s what Kevin James wants anyway. A big ol’ lemon. You can’t tell me that he seriously thinks anyone finds him funny. Just stop it, Kevin James. Stop it. Orange must, of course, go to the fantastic 80s-’em-up Argo. Ben Affleck must be applauded for managing several difficult feats in one. 1) Recreating a perfect 1979 2) Having a fabulous hair/beard combo and 3) Making people forget that he was in Daredevil.

Orange Choice: Argo
Ultimate Lemon: Here Comes the Boom

*Well, that’s… conclusive. See you when you get back from Iran!*