*FINALLY, Twilight is out! Now let’s kick the shit out of it.*

Flo (radio playwright):
I’m not entirely sure why I’m going to do what I’m about to do but for some reason I feel compelled this week to give my Orange to the newest Twilight film. Yes, I’ve already seen it. Yes, I reviewed it and gave it one star. But come on guys. This is the last Twilight film EVER (probably not – they’ll find a way. Stephenie Meyer always finds a way) and you’re really REALLY going to pass up your opportunity to see everything end on the BIG SCREEN? Could you LIVE WITH YOURSELF? I don’t think you could. What you could probably stand to do, on the other hand, is miss Gambit which looks awful and like one of those films that serious actors do in between serious films because Hollywood throws money at them. Don’t watch Gambit, please. Cameron Diaz wears a cowboy hat in it.

Orange Choice: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2
Ultimate Lemon: Gambit

*Or not, apparently. Cheers, Florrie, way to be a team player. Can you do better, Eli?*

Eli (pleasantly nautical):
We’re slipping into awards season like a lovingly drawn bath, and the encroaching suds of true-life stories, historical drama and light-hearted looks at mental-illness are upon us. It’s the most wonderful time of the year. My script for Rain Man 2: Dark Thunder will most likely never get the green light, so the closest thing we have is David O. Russell’s latest, Silver Linings Playbook. Bradley Cooper deserves more love than he gets, as does David O, so I’m giving Playbook‘s warm-hearted bipolar drama a patronising pat on the head. A disapproving shudder of disgust goes to the latest Twilight. I don’t need to explain myself any more than its legions of misty-eyed fans do, so let’s leave it at that.

Orange Choice: Silver Linings Playbook
Ultimate Lemon: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2

*That’s our boy! Kayleigh?*

Kayleigh (apple magnet):
Let’s not bother talking about the Twilight Saga, ok? Either you hate it, so you’re definitely not going, you love it so much that you saw it at midnight on the day it came out (who ARE you people?) or you just don’t care. I fall into the latter, so I’m not going to waste a precious lemon. Instead, I’m dishing out the citric acid to Gambit, because Colin Firth with his trousers off / Alan Rickman naked / Cameron Diaz as a cowgirl simply should never have made it to the big screen. Fine. Fine, maybe Colin Firth trouserless. Maybe. On the other hand, I’m presenting a big fat juicy orange to Silver Linings Playbook. If it’s anywhere near as perfect as the book (and it will be, because David O Russell is directing AND Jennifer Lawrence is starring!), it’s going to be the most beautiful film of 2012 so far. I genuinely believe that. Orange you going to go see it? Yes you orange!

Orange Choice: Silver Linings Playbook
Ultimate Lemon: Gambit

*Fair enough, we suppose. Bring it home, Vincent…*

Vincent (analysing your neuroses, right now, while you read):
I previously gave my Orange to Amour a couple of weeks ago, not realising that wasn’t even out yet. Now that it is out, I can finally award Amour my big juicy Orange. I repeat my warning: you will cry copiously. I gave a brief plot synopsis to my mother and she got all teary just from that. Amazing stuff. This week I might have thrown my Lemon at Mental, but Liev Schreiber is just so damn hypnotic that I must obey the will of the many and give my sour fruit to Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2. Flo’s review has convinced me that it needs to be put down. On the bright side, try imagining what would happen if a vampire bit into a lemon. I bet it would look hilarious.

Orange Choice: Amour
Ultimate Lemon: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2

*Well, that’s that sorted. See you next week!*