Top 20 Most Irritating Movie Characters of All Time Part 1 (20-11)
Films always need a hero. Someone who rushes out into the battlefield to save the day, disregarding his or her own safety and valiantly saving the damsel or dude in distress from the clutches of evil. And then you get the annoying idiot, who unfortunately accompanies the story, every single step of the way, providing snarky one-liners, annoying jokes or just a downright irritating presence. Whether they’ve just run around like the prats they are during the film, or worse, contributed negatively to the outcome, or process, of the film – Here are the Top 20 Most Irritating Movie Characters of All Time:
20. Memphis Raines – Gone in 60 Seconds
I realize I’m starting the list out with essentially the main character of a film, but Memphis Raines has just got to be on here somewhere. The former master carthief returns from retirement in order to help his brother from becoming tiny little mobster cut pieces by stealing fifty cars in less than 72 hours. Sounds pretty cool right? Unfortunately Memphis is annoying, like really annoying. When he’s not being the sultry saint when talking the cops, he’s attempting to be a “responsible” brother or an apologetic ex-boyfriend. Even more frustrating is the fact that he lands the girl as well – Angeline Jolie no less.
Most irritating moment: Memphis’s accent when pointing out the cop car to the thugs chasing him.
What happens in the end: Not in jail, with an epic car and Jolie fondling his gear lever. Bastard.
19. Victoria – Stardust
Stardust is the magical tale of Tristan and his dreams to marry the young and beautiful Victoria. After trying his level best to be himself to win the girl over (you know the thing that people are always telling us to do) Victoria suggests he goes and retrieves a fallen star as a symbol of his adoration of her. Tristan bolts of into a world of adventure and goes from fighting pirates to out running witches during his plight. And what is Victoria doing? Not a single damn thing. She does get credit though for not being part of the main story. Phew.
Most irritating moment: Her obnoxious dialogue pretty much every time she speaks or sees Tristan.
What happens in the end: She gets dropped on her arse in the dirt with Mr. Moustache waiting to court her. Brilliant!
18. Anakin Skywalker – Star Wars Episode II&III
There hasn’t been a scifi saga that can quite match the epic scope of the original Star Wars films. Then enter Anakin Skywalker, master of the force and destroyer of enthusiasm. After realizing his girlfriend might kick the bucket because he got her eggo preggo, he turns to naturally the most obvious thing – the dark side. Obviously failing to recognize the large amount of incredible technology around him. Fortunately that’s not even the most irritating part, Anakin really just whines all the time. From his displeasure at not being recognized as a master, (fair enough really given he never acts like one), to his false accusation that Obi-Wan is wielding his “lightsaber” with Padme just a little better than he is. And by lightsaber I mean penis.
Most irritating moment: He follows the Chancellor’s orders to kill Dooku essentially just because he raises his voice.
What happens in the end: Catches on fire and gets asthma.
17. General Friedrich Fromm – Valkyrie
Valkyrie is inspired by true events surrounding one of the many assassination attempts on Hitler’s life during WWII. Tom Cruise and his trusty conspirators put together an elaborate plan to take out the lunatic and most of his high command. Naturally not everyone is keen on the idea, but mostly there are people just too chicken shit to actually step up and get off the bench. Fromm is one of those. Everything is essentially going peachy (okay, the mission does fail slightly), but he’s given the opportunity to help a number of times – and like an indecisive hermit crab, he retreats into the recess of his cowardice more often than not.
Most irritating part: His smirking face as he presides over the executions.
What happens in the end: Hopefully something painful.
16. Demille Bly – Driven
Driven isn’t the greatest of films, but it’s entertaining at least. One thing that isn’t entertaining though is watching Jimmy Bly (Pardue) and his struggles to become number one driver as his brother seems set on being an utter fool. And before you say “What the hell is Dr. Wilson doing here?”, watch the film and you’ll see House’s buddy transform into an idiot. Constantly putting pressure on his brother for the success he’s incapable of acheiving on his own, he annoys throughout, fortunately getting punched in the face toward the end by a hot girl.
Most irritating part: Him explaining to Sly how well he can channel.
What happens in the end: He slow claps at his brother’s succees – probably thinking he can get back in there and make a lot of money, the twit.
15. Robert The Bruce – Braveheart
Another film inspired by historical stuff occurring, Braveheart is to this day possibly the only film to feature a really groovy inspirational speech, which to some degree makes no sense (“…run and you’ll live. At least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now…”), and gets a double thumbs up for some epic battle scenes. And then there is Robert the Bruce. Oh Robert you silly odd man. You support Wallace, then you don’t. You let your daddy rule your life, then you get hit in the head in a piece of chair. In his defense he is surrounded by only marginally less irritating people but overall the cake of annoyance goes solely to him for not manning up.
Most irritating moment: Wallace not cutting his throat after playing possum.
What happens in the end: He leads a charge against the English after making a lame speech. Well done sir.
14. Carrie Bradshaw – Sex and the City
Before I get hunted down and mauled for even daring to put one of the Sex and the City characters on this list – let me explain something. There are two kinds of people in this world. People who you spend time with because you have equal interests or are mutually gaining something from the relationship; and people who you go out of your way, changing your schedule or moving across the galaxy, to be rid of. Bradshaw belongs in the latter group. It’s because of everything, the constant whining, that silly smile that’s about as genuine as artificial rice and so on.
Most irritating part: I’m going to go with every time she’s on camera.
What happens in the end: If you care about that you probably stopped reading this article already.
13. Waingro – Heat
The two most badass men on Earth face off in Heat. De Niro and Pacino. Masters of the death stare, the mortality slap and the 9mm at a million yards – you don’t mess with either of these two. And what does Waingro go ahead and do? That’s right kids, he snitches on De Niro. Epically bad mistake. To explain for those who haven’t seen the film, Waingro forms part of De Niro’s crew at the beginning of the film and goes mental. After the crew fail to kill him, (lame I know), he proceeds to ruin De Niro’s last job which in turn causes the balls-droppingly awesome yet sad ending.
Most irritating part: The fact that he nearly gets away with it.
What happens in the end: De Niro puts two in his chest and one in his head. Most vicious, and enjoyable, execution ever.
12. The President – Armageddon
Presidents and leaders of countries aren’t rocket scientists. Given the political climate of the world as it is today, I suspect some of them probably can’t even spell rocket science. In Armageddon this is fantastically portrayed. A huge meteor is speeding towards Earth at Mach “holy shit were all doomed” and it’s up to Bruce Willis and his gang to save the day by drilling a bomb down into the center of the rock. They’re experts at this having lots of tattoos and being covered in oil before the first ten minutes of the film is up. Then what happens? Things start going slightly wrong and the President decides that oh well we probably stand a better chance if we just blow the nuke up right now before they’re done. Literally after the smartest man on Earth has told him that it won’t work.
Most irritating part: He’s not on camera much and that just means he’s probably sitting around somewhere letting everyone do the work. Oh and the speech he says makes it out to be like he personally organized the whole thing.
What happens in the end: Possibly an impeachment once the story gets out that he nearly killed everyone.
11. Theron – 300
Jack Sparrow, totally not in 300 although it would be seriously funny, once said that :” The deepest darkest circle of Hell is reserved for betrayers…”. That’s a comforting thought given Theron’s cowardly and displeasing behaviour in light of his country’s perils. Not only does he oppose the idea of the Spartan army leading its forces against Xerxes and his millions, he bags some gold and royal ass for his troubles. All the while there are Spartan soldiers dying to protect the country he so quickly turned his back on. Thankfully the hardcore queen, whose only given birth to real men, sorts him out properly.
Most irritating part: The way he raises his eyebrow at everyone and watching him insult Leonidus’s dearly beloved.
What happens in the end: He gets what he deserves. A sword through the gut and awesome last words from his “not” queen.
Click here for Part 2 of the Top Twenty Most Irritating Movie Characters of All Time!