Sigh. Why do this to us, Hollywood? Why? How Space Chimps 2 ever got past the DVD shelf is beyond us, but sadly, inexplicably, it did, and it’s launched to number seven in the UK top tep this week. Shame on you Britain. Shame on all of us.

Anyway, we rejoin the monkey crew, headed up by young mission controller Comet (you remember Comet, right? He’s the none stupid one. Would be played by someone like Owen Wilson in the live-action movie.) Comet’s determined to join his heroic colleagues Ham, Luna, and Captain Titan on the next mission to Planet Malgor. But, tragic strikes when their rocket blast releases the evil dictator Zartog from his position as a deep-frozen statue, and – well I’ll be a monkey’s uncle – he wants revenge. Cue lots of whizzing around on jet-packs, monkey/human mis-communication and dancing about on treadmills. Sigh. We never thought we’d tire of a monkey on a treadmill. But we did, reader. We really did.

We weren’t exactly jumping for joy upon watching Space Chimps, but Space Chimps 2 has managed to make the first film look like an award winning Attenborough documentary by comparison. The jokes are recycled, the CGI is ropey at best and the story seems strung together by… well… a group of monkeys. Remember that old Simpson’s joke about the chimps typing a great epic in a room together (yes, yes, it’s not really a Simpson’s joke, but hush); Mr Burns cry of rage upon reading “It was the best of times, it was the BLURST of times?!” is exactly the kind of cry we wanted to utter upon exiting Space Chimps 2. At least in Space Chimps Mark One there was the odd joke meant for an adult (read: intelligent) audience, but this time around there’s nothing. It’s a black hole of a kids film, and we advise you not to get sucked in.

Got a different opinion on Space Chimps 2? Fill us in…