Something for the ladies this week… those sweet, gentle ladies who want to get gloriously, chundunderingly wankered. In short, the best kind of ladies. This week, how to drink like a roughly-tattooed captain if all you’ve got in stock is Hugh Grant wearing a variety of demure shirts.
At the turn of the millennium, while we ordinary folk were struggling with our spelling, the Harry Potter Three; Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, and Rupert Grint were being pampered and preened, photographed and photoshopped, and showered with riches. It’s enough to give us ordinary folk a severe case of heebie-jeebie jealousy. Most importantly, it’s enough to send the trio abso-Jackson-lutely mental. Here, we provide the frankest, honestest account of the baffling circus that became the lives of the cursed stars from 2011 to the present day (which is 2031, of course).
Big Momma is back for a third joyless excursion into ‘let’s-all-laugh-at-the-silly-black-woman-because-it-doesn’t-count-as-racism’ territory, which now features a second ridiculous fat-suited goon – now with extra rapping!. I hope Martin Lawrence spends his evenings thinking about how he’d be more use to humanity as fertiliser, sobbing onto his immorally inflated bank statements.
A sweet, gentle and slightly morally ambiguous documentary about life as an Irish woman-sort, His And Hers presents its fair subjects as well-meaning, inherently good-hearted eccentrics. Which is all fine. Though it means you can’t quite shake the feeling they’d all be a lot more comfortable in the studio of Creature Comforts.
Important historical events have been grist to Hollywood’s mill for literally thousands of years. But the same old boring battles and speeches by kings are used as plot-fodder time and again. Here are some suggestions for amazing films based on less heralded moments in history.
Cumberbatch and Johnny Lee Miller in a monster mash.
Snipe London
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