Look, we’ve got a new writer! Having worked in the service industry more or less non stop since the age of 15, Marianne’s kicking off her BFF career with a personal homage to the heroes and heroines, plate carriers, kitchen flakers and cocktail shakers of film. Here goes…

Bringing Up Bobby, Famke Janssen’s directorial debut, is an excellent example of why some actors should stay in front of the camera. Although it’s reasonably well put-together, any attempt at drama, or comedy, or pathos comes off as aggressively soporific. You’ll spend less time watching the film than wondering if Milla Jovovich’s character is a paedophile. Flat, boring and stupid, no one need subject themselves to this rancid cinematic cheese.

Yes, Grumpy Cat is a she. No, this is not a good idea.

Julia, have a word.