The 12th of October draws ever nearer, and every day the tingle in our hearts (and pants) gets more alarming. The 55th BFI London Film Festival has announced its full programme, and there are SPOILS TO BE ENJOYED! Sit back, take in our highlights and cancel your ASDA delivery – it’s time to start saving…

So many pies, Rachel Weisz, and only eight fingers!

Please, Anthony Hopkins, be better than you were in You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger…

Hugely talented, enviably beautiful and married to Daniel Craig, Rachel Weisz is the thinking man’s crumpet and the thinking woman’s object of bitter, bitter envy. But what does she get up to when she’s not fighting mummies and winning Oscars? It’s a Tuesday; this must be the Cheat Sheet…

It seems that Rachel Weisz is sick of being known as the beautiful and determined pursuer of good. Be grateful, Rachel, worse things happen at sea! But rather then play an evil witch, perhaps in the upcoming Harry Potter film, she’s gone for a sexy number. Well, I guess the fat and ugly characters can wait. You gotta grab the spicey roles whilst you’ve still got your metabolism and your own teeth.