With Lucy Liu as Watson, it’s safe to assume that Sherlock and Watson will end up fucking each other, and no one wants to see that, do they?

First time director Niall MacCormick more-or-less delivers with this sweet and predictable slice of countryside sexual politics. And lost childhood. And foundering careers. And growing up. And Alzheimer’s Disease. And some boobs (but only for a second). Basically, each character has a big oppressive thing hanging round his or her neck – if only there was a name for that… Did we mention it’s called ALBATROSS?

It was about time Sherlock Holmes got the Hollywood treatment – audiences have been continually fascinated with Arthur Conan Doyle’s series of short detective stories through the years, yet they undoubtedly needed a little sexing up to succeed with a modern audience. Enter Guy Ritchie, whose new action-packed adaptation is certainly a departure from the original series, but nonetheless entertaining in its own right. The screenplay has enough intelligence not to completely insult fans of Conan Doyle’s stories, and it’s perfectly complemented by Downey Jr’s sarcastic, slightly camp take on Sherlock. This adaptation won’t set the world on fire, but it’s a fine two hours entertainment for a dreary winter’s night.

We can’t help but notice that Hollywood loves to up the explosion-and-sex factor with Britain’s classic literature. One only needs to look at the bare chest of Robert Downey Jr as the new Sherlock Holmes to see that the silver screen doesn’t mind taking a few liberties. But what other classic-but-uncool tales are Hollywood missing out on? We re-imagine some great British classics the way Spielberg would do ’em…