Poor the back of Kristen Stewart’s head.

There are some things in life that you hype up to such a ridiculous extent, there’s no way they’re going to live up to your expectations. The media frenzy surrounding New Moon ensured there was very little chance it would live up to expectations, and surprise, surprise, it doesn’t. Golden Compass director Chris Weitz places the film squarely in cheesy superhero blockbuster territory with exaggerated special effects and embarrassingly corny love scenes. The only bright spot on the horizon is newcomer Taylor Lautner, who brings a surprising amount of warmth and likeability to the role of Jacob Black.

It’s hard to talk objectively about Twilight without getting absorbed in the somewhat frightening teen-girl hype that has surrounded first the books, then the movies. Stephenie Meyer’s four-book series about a young girl caught in a love triangle between a vampire and a werewolf (a problem all of us can certainly relate to on some level) raced up the bestseller lists faster than publishers could say ‘Harry Potter’.