Viva La Statham

Aha! Kiss my cheek! Everyone’s favourite TV-cum-Radio-Norfolk-Digital-presenter Alan Partridge finally makes the leap from the small screen (and smaller screen, if you’ve been following his webisodes online). But does Partridge transition from short bursts on the boob tube to a 90 minute silver screen adventure? Well, put your hat hard on.. I mean hat hard…

R-Pattz’ post-Twilight breakout role is as a talentless schmoozer who drags himself up the ranks of fin de siècle Parisian society on a ladder made from other men’s wives. Visually dazzling but with no real substance, this new adaptation of an 1885 novel is as charmingly insubstantial as its lusty yet anodyne antihero. Bel ami, médiocre film.

This glum tale of homelessness and drug addiction in Dublin features strong performances from its leads, but is let down by an overbearing soundtrack and a predictably worthy storyline. Also, clock metaphors, clock metaphors everywhere I turn!

When we had finished watching Law Abiding Citizen, we had just one question. What is it with Scottish actors and the American accent? Seriously, first up there was Ewan MacGregor, sounding like he was talking with a mouth full of nails in Deception. You’d have thought Hugh Jackman (who like most Australians has some pretty convincing Yank speak) would have taken him aside and given a few words of advice. Admittedly they were both probably avoiding eye contact in the hope that if they didn’t look at one another they might awake from the nightmare of starring in the worst erotic thriller since Ernest Goes to Jail.