We may have inserted those quotation marks for funsies.

Are you bored of the usual vampires and witches and ghosts of the spooky season? Tired of the Scream mask people don when trying to make a movie reference in their Halloween costume? Us too. And that’s why we have lovingly compiled a how-to costume guide for your perusal. Dress up as any of these and your awesomeness points will, literally, hit the roof, so approach with caution…

When it comes to vampire flicks, it seems that all Hollywood has to do is bare its money-spinning neck and audiences around the world will guzzle away. So after almost a century of vampire films, how did the cinematic interpretation move from Nosferatu to the perfectly coiffed Edward Cullen from the Twilight Saga? Will current film releases Stakeland and Priest take us back to a more traditionalist approach? And why are we still even interested?

It’s safe to say Edward Cullen wouldn’t last five baleful minutes in the vampire-dystopia that is Stake Land. A stylish road-horror with political bite as well as, like, loads of actual bites, you can forgive it its foibles for its refreshingly un-perfumed approach to those pesky bloodsucking types.

We’ve all heard the good news – the Governator has hung up his democratic sash and is preparing to step back into his loincloth/leather jacket/commando boots of unremitting ass-kickery for some new and crunchy films. Among the fifteen projects Arnie is reportedly considering are remakes of Predator and True Lies, as well as yet another Terminator sequel; but we think he should be diversifying…

It’s hard to talk objectively about Twilight without getting absorbed in the somewhat frightening teen-girl hype that has surrounded first the books, then the movies. Stephenie Meyer’s four-book series about a young girl caught in a love triangle between a vampire and a werewolf (a problem all of us can certainly relate to on some level) raced up the bestseller lists faster than publishers could say ‘Harry Potter’.