“Poison us? We’ll poison you.” Cue shudders…

Ben Kingsley to play biblical villain that makes Darth Vader look like Britney Spears.

First time director Niall MacCormick more-or-less delivers with this sweet and predictable slice of countryside sexual politics. And lost childhood. And foundering careers. And growing up. And Alzheimer’s Disease. And some boobs (but only for a second). Basically, each character has a big oppressive thing hanging round his or her neck – if only there was a name for that… Did we mention it’s called ALBATROSS?

Why doesn’t Lara have a surname?