Olympic fever has hit Best For Film Towers! HA, joke. We’ll be ignoring the stupid bloody sports as usual and sticking to our nice sitty-downy films, and if you don’t join us we’ll know you were the sort of twonk who used to look forward to PE lessons and not even consider sneaking off to smoke behind the bike sheds. You are not welcome here, Healthy Ones – you don’t even need a dose of citrus to guard against scurvy. Begone.

The wait is finally over! Time to get out your carefully stitched replica Batsuits and head to the cinema – that’s right, wear a constricting black outfit and sit in a massive dark windowless room with hundreds of sweaty geeks, on the hottest day of the year. Yay for slightly cheaper cinema tickets! Do… do any of you think that maybe being a film fan isn’t very healthy?

Another week, another batch of half-baked opinions from the cheery Best For Film team. How are you going to fill your last Orange Wednesday before B-Day finally hits on Friday? We’ve got literally ones of opinions for you to thieve and pass off as your own, and they’re citrus-themed!

This week we only have two words to say to you (other than ‘Weather’s ghastly again’ and ‘Orange gives its customers 2-4-1 tickets on a Wednesday, do you think we could maybe spend eighteen months spinning a blog out of that concept?’. Those words are 1) MAGIC and 2) MIKE. Can you guess how this week’s OWLs are going to go? ONE OF THEM IS CALLED BIG DICK RICHIE OH MY GOD.

A new month, a new Spider-Man and a new batch of Best For Film writers! How on earth will you work out what to see this evening without us? No reasonable human could be expected to choose between Webhead, Kristen Wiig, Abraham Lincoln, Joel Murray’s little brother and Dolly Parton – fortunately, however, we’re not reasonble. Or human.

As the nights begin to draw in once more (they genuinely are, it’s awful), Best For Film’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of vampires, radioactive mutants and giant sharks. Need help on which one to favour with your precious 2-4-1? Then thank God, weary traveller, that you found us…

If Best For Film Towers were located in District 12, we’d be shuddering at the prospect of the 75th OWL and its accompanying Quarter Quell. Fortunately, however, it isn’t and we aren’t. Instead, we’re mostly concerned about the prospect of you accidentally going to a crap film. WE’RE SO SELFLESS DO WHAT WE SAY.

Is it raining? Is it sunny? Was Prometheus terrible? Is Plan B actually a proper good film maker? So many questions, so many paradoxes, so few opportunities to check whether you need socks or not. Thank God we can all rely on the permanence of TWO FOR ONE CINEMA – when our freebies fail us, that’s when we’ll know we’re really in trouble.

It’s been a long, flag-based break, and we’re still not quite ready for the onslaught of the remainder of the week. Thank goodness then that we have the clammy embrace of TWO FOR ONE CINEMA to keep us motivated. THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S NOT MONDAY, IT’S WEDNESDAY! We’re living in the future!

Ding dong, the Queen’s not dead! As the matriarch of the Windsor (it’s transliterated from Wyndzaargh) clan of ravenous space lizards celebrates six decades of dominion over the oppressed humans of these isles, the anti-reptile resistance continues to gather in secret in cinemas across the land. On Wednesdays, mostly, because guerrilla warriors are generally a bit strapped for cash.