We spent Halloween inside a wigwam on top of a Hoxton pub. It was well Mexico.

You want to try this Secret Cinema thing, don’t you? You quite fancy it? Think it might be a bit of a lark? Thirty quid’s a lot of money though, isn’t it? And you’re terrible with strangers, and with surprises and with paying thirty quid for something. Maybe you should just sit at home with your socks on, watching Peter Andre: My Life. NO. You’re doing this, dammit, and we’re going to show you how. Introducing our guide to joining the ranks of the ever-wonderful Secret Cinema – it’s OK, we’re here now.

After a distressingly long absence from our – well, not our screens exactly, but our derelict warehouses – Secret Cinema is back with its biggest every event, running for a full month here in London. And it starts this week. Thank God it’s Monday!

WE HEART YOU SECRET CINEMA EVEN IF YOU DO COST ALL THE MONEY

Tired of going to a bland old West End cinema, paying £8 for a popcorn combo and crying salty tears all the way through the latest piece of superhero big budget low quality rubbish, lamenting the state of exhibition practices these days? Do you long for the days of all nighters, of midnight movies, of dirty dive bars that stick a blanket to the wall as a makeshift screen? Well, you’re not the only one, as we pay tribute to the groups that are bringing movies out of the cinema, and re-igniting our love for the big screen.

Awww yeah, let’s get our ignorance on.

The truly exceptional Secret Cinema continues to blow minds with its latest offering. After directing us through a Bedouin desert, a WW1 registration hall and an underground Souk, we were finally led into screening hall to sample the main attraction of the evening; Lawrence Of Arabia. Clocking up seven hours from start to finish it was certainly not a trek for the faint of heart, but with glorious detail, amazing locations and 5000 tea-towelled heads, the Secret Cinema experience was truly like no other.