Coriolanus is out! It hasn’t been nominated for any Oscars (because it was released too late, but let’s not split hairs)! Ralph Fiennes is on the warpath (probably)! And just think what a man who takes Auschwitz in his stride would do to you if you bumped into him and mispronounced his name? READ THIS CHEAT SHEET QUICKLY, BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!

Please, Anthony Hopkins, be better than you were in You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger…

Hugely talented, enviably beautiful and married to Daniel Craig, Rachel Weisz is the thinking man’s crumpet and the thinking woman’s object of bitter, bitter envy. But what does she get up to when she’s not fighting mummies and winning Oscars? It’s a Tuesday; this must be the Cheat Sheet…

The legendary actor passes away in a hospital in Shropshire

It seems that Rachel Weisz is sick of being known as the beautiful and determined pursuer of good. Be grateful, Rachel, worse things happen at sea! But rather then play an evil witch, perhaps in the upcoming Harry Potter film, she’s gone for a sexy number. Well, I guess the fat and ugly characters can wait. You gotta grab the spicey roles whilst you’ve still got your metabolism and your own teeth.