Going to the cinema can be a frustrating experience – not least because of the disproportionate number of mouth-breathers championing drivel, but also thanks to the shocking lack of choice on offer. How many times must my eyes be popped? Since when was randomness any substitute for jokes? Will Spider-Man ever get past the third instalment? I explore the six fads currently crippling cinema.

Yeah, we don’t want to see it either.

Why can’t Death come for the producers?

The Hollywood assault upon 3D cinema looks set to continue unabated (this time with added bite) as former stuntman David R. Ellis announces that he has signed up to direct forthcoming horror film Shark Night 3D. The title, which leaves little to the imagination, will no doubt be looking to avoid comparisons with the film so bad that the use of 3D in cinema was shelved for 20 years, 1983’s universally-panned Jaws 3-D.