We didn’t want it to come to this, truly we didn’t. It’s been such a long struggle, keeping the faith, saying things like “Remember Mean Girls!” and “The Parent Trap was alright actually, and at least Natasha Richardson was in it.” We’ve tried SO HARD.

But this is the end of the line, Lindsay – we’re washing our hands of you and your stupid, arrogant, reckless misbehaviour. C’est fini.

The most boringly predictable crackhead in Beverly Hills, who has been jailed twice in the past three and a half years, has been accused of stealing a $2,500 necklace from a shop in Venice, CA. She denies the charge, but given her previous convictions and the fact that she’s currently under investigation for assault this could mean curtains for Lindsay.

We don’t quite understand the difference, but apparently if she’s jailed again (and it could be for several years) she’ll go to state prison rather than county jail, which will mean no early release because of overcrowding – it’s good behaviour only if you want to duck part of your sentence. Ouch. It’d be a great shame if her glittering career was held up by her having to sew mailbags, eh?