There’s a moment during Jack and Jill when, just as you think things couldn’t possibly get more bizarre, David Spade turns up wearing one of those dresses with a cutout stomach. His character is called “Monica” and she gets in a fight with Jack (Adam Sandler)’s wife (Katie Holmes) and Jack’s sister (Adam Sandler again, he plays BOTH characters in this film you know). Then Al Pacino (Al Pacino) appears, dressed in his costume from The Man From La Mancha and wielding a pole or something? Anyway, I’m sorry for all those spoilers but I just wanted you to be aware of the kind of film we are dealing with here. This isn’t your average fart-joking, cross-dressing, nausea-inducing Adam Sandler “comedy”. This is so, SO much more than that.

Jack is a successful advertising executive who lives with his lovely wife and two children, one of whom has an obsession with sticking things to himself with sellotape (DON’T KNOW WHY). And then there’s Jack’s twin sister Jill, who leaves perfect sweat stain outlines of herself on the bed linen and has a cockatoo called Poopsie who keeps saying creepy things like “Where did you go?” (DON’T KNOW WHY). Jill turns up for Thanksgiving and is the world’s worst sister because she’s gross and annoying. JILL, STOP BEING SO ANNOYING. YOU’RE SO GROSS, JILL.

There’s also a gardener called Felipe who looks suspiciously like he’s wearing makeup to make him look more Mexican and he has a grandma who looks suspiciously like Felipe in old lady makeup that made me feel sick. Made me feel more sick, I should say. Anyway, Jill’s only meant to come for four days but then suddenly Jill is here for ages and if she stays any longer she’ll have to come on the family cruise at New Year’s! NO JILL NO NO NO GOD NO NOT MORE JILL SHE’S SO GROSS LOOK AT HER PIT STAINS NO JILL.

That is essentially the plot of this film. And by plot I mean a series of random and seemingly unconnected events. It’s more like a collection of the laziest, unfunniest and most self-indulgent sketches you could imagine, occasionally featuring the odd celebrity cameo (Johnny Depp, John McEnroe, that guy from the Sham Wow adverts).

But then there’s Al Pacino. Playing himself. Falling in love with Jill because she “reminds him of the Bronx”. And let me make this clear to you. Al Pacino is glorious in this film. He’s radiant. He is SHAM WOW in Jack and Jill. Watching him in the midst of seventy Adam Sandlers (it felt like seventy at the very least) is like discovering a special kind of dip at a mediocre buffet that you keep returning to, asking everyone else at the party who made it because it doesn’t taste shop bought. In fact, Pacino is so convincing – playing a version of himself that is going off the rails – that it’s hard to believe he even knows he’s in this film.

So just imagine this: Adam Sandler rolls out of his bed one morning and decides to pitch Jack and Jill to the Hollywood fatcats for a funny joke. “That sounds perfect, Adam!” they say, “But it needs more Al Pacino”. Adam Sandler is shocked but he thinks what the hell, let’s do it. Only he can’t bothered to pay Al Pacino because he’s saving up for a life size gold statue of himself. So, instead, Adam Sandler dresses up as a woman and bases an entire film around the REAL Al Pacino, hiding the camera in bushes, getting Johnny Depp to play along, getting the guy from the Sham Wow adverts involved for the sake of verisimilitude etc. so that the whole time Al Pacino is just living his life, unknowingly the subject of an Adam Sandler comedy. And just when they think they’re getting away with it, BOOM! Al Pacino falls in love with Adam Sandler dressed as a woman.

That is the only possible explanation for this film.