This is maybe the worst thing we’ve ever read. In dribbling, prurient detail, Next Movie has reported that the intensely unmemorable Sam Claflin won’t be getting his cock out in The Hunger Games: Catching Fire. Which is incredibly startling, given that The Hunger Games is a film series made for children (remember the absurd lack of blood, political subtext or pretty much anything good in the first one?), and based on a series of books for children. After all, young adults are just children with incongruously high levels of pocket money – for as long as they can’t vote, there’s no difference we can see between Twilight fans and In The Night Garden aficionados. Except that In The Night Garden is much better.

Anyway, in Suzanne Collins’ CHILDREN’S BOOK Catching Fire, Claflin’s character makes his first appearance draped in a golden net which is tied in a big knot in front of his cock, so that you don’t see it. Because that’s still quite a risky outfit choice, one of the film’s costume designers has revealed that he’ll also be wearing a kilt.

That’s it. That’s the whole news story. Ever feel like your industry is crumbling around you?