If the only Gallo you associate with cinema is Vincent, you’re officially behind the times – California’s famous Gallo Family Vineyards is launching the Gallo Film Club with a star-studded bash right here in London. And we’ve got a pair of tickets to the event to give away!

OH SWEET JESUS, HAVE YOU SEEN THE RAIN? April is determined to go out with a soggy bang, and now all your plans for a nice picnic have been drowned in sky-water there’s literally no reason for you not to go to the cinema tonight. You could even take in your pork pies and ginger beer and that! Thrift and films and pretending to be in the Famous Five, that’s the Best For Film way…

CABIN IN THE WOODS IS OUT! Obviously that’s what you’re going to go and see this week, but if you’ve seen it already (we all have) then you might need some other ideas on how to use your Orange 2-4-1 voucher. Or you could just, you know, see Cabin in the Woods again. That’s what we’d do. Have done. Are doing, tonight, again. Whatever. FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT

A calm, quiet and much-needed antidote to the braying Life-Affirming tales shoved our way by the good old Yoo Es of Ay, Breathing tracks a young man’s tentative journey back to reality after it seems he’s given up on the idea. Careful cinematography, a stripped down script and a stonking soundtrack make this unassuming little film well worth a watch – and besides, we’ve always said more heart-filling tales should be set mainly in a morgue.

Ah, the much whipped remake. Announcements of remakes more often than not get hackles up, heads shaking and tongues tutting. Dismissed before they’re released, judged before they’re seen, doomed forever to live in the shadow of their older sibling. But should they? With the news that Chloe Moretz is heading up the Carrie remake, we’ve decided to get all OPTIMISM on this thing.

Following the much anticipated opening of the new Harry Potter Studio Tour, we thought it was only fair that that we create a wipe-clean, drunk-friendly list of reasons you as human Muggles should part with your cash to essentially spend a few hours not being in the Harry Potter films. Presenting, the top 10 most pressing incentives to go and experience the magic of the films’ creation for yourself, as a handy acrostic poem (Dumbledore bloody LOVES this kind of stuff).

It’s a Wednesday, and the aliens are here! It’s alright though, because they appear to be sea-dwelling aliens and there aren’t any cinemas at sea – your 2-4-1 deal is safe as houses, so crack on and enjoy (relatively) cheap film tickets before the world is incinerated! Hang on, what do you mean you don’t know what to watch?

Hungry games, pirates and scientists, furniture SO DAMN TINY you couldn’t see it in a mirror mirror – there’s just so much going on at a screen near you this week. But what should you fob off in order to watch Liam Neeson be Zeus dreadfully again? We’ve got the answers…

We all like to think there are films out there that can completely alter our world view, and hey, every now and then we bloomin well find one. A film that dazzles is one thing, but a film that changes your entire perception – they are perhaps fewer and farther between than Hollywood history would have us believe. Introducing films and filmmakers labelled as making ground-breakingly intelligent cinema and why it could be that they aren’t as clever as we’d like to believe…

Too hot. Too hot now. It’s been two days since winter, and already we miss winter. Why? Because we’re English, DAMMIT, and it’s our lot in life to complain about nice things. Let’s go to the cinema. It’s dark and cold there, dark and cold like our nationalistic hearts. YAY FILMS! HALF PRICE FILMS!